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My font got screwed up in the last post and I've spent 15 minutes trying to get it back to normal. I even edited the HTML. For some reason it won't allow me to save the changes. So you're screwed. You must read it in the boring Arial font.

Great Ideas

When I get bored, I search for random crazy things on the web. With an interest in patent law, my new hobby is to search for crazy patents that have been issued. I did a random google search for funny patents and stumbled across some websites that list outlandish patents.

This patent - Original...yes. Crazy...yeah, well that too. Go to the USPTO site yourself (http://patft.uspto.gov/netahtml/PTO/search-bool.html), then enter 7,122,000 in the "Term 1" field and select "Patent Number" from the drop down box in "Field 1". Once it shows you a summary of the patent, you can click on the "Images" link to view the patent application and the actual drawings.

Okay, so I'm sure you were too lazy to follow my instructions. Let me explain this one. It's basically a patent for a sex toy. After reading the description, I've come to the conclusion that this is a bong for the hoo-hoo. How in the world do people come up with this crap? I think I have the answer to this one. Here is my hypothesis:

After getting home from school while Mom and Pop are still at work, the kids get out the bong and jack some of Dad's stash. They go to the garage, huff some gasoline, snort some sweet tarts, take a few hits of LSD, and light up Bobo the Bong. Then comes the wild idea. One kid says, "Hey, I bet your sister uses this bong to stimulate her hoo-hoo." The other kid says, "Shut up and take your turn." The genius in the group then says, "Nah, really doods. We should patent a hoo-hoo bong." The idea gets leaked and the porn industry grabs a hold of the idea. Next thing you know, it's the newest item in stock at the local Adult Emporium. And someone makes a fortune. Who said only scientists come up with these novel patent ideas?

For hire

As I sit back and try to figure out where in the world I'll end up after law school, one thing crosses my mind...I'll miss this place. There is something about this city that just grabs you by the balls and won't loosen up on the grip. It's the most amazing city in the country, regardless of the negative views of those that have never been here have about it, or those views from people who visited for a weekend and never left the French Quarter. I've lived in L.A. for a period of my life. Cool. Big City. Lots of things to do. But...it doesn't match up. I've also lived in the sticks of Tennessee. Small town. Peaceful. No crime. But not a whole of shit to do and the people are always worried about what everyone else is up to...it doesn't match up. I've visited Vegas and did the Vegas thing. Fun - yes. But...it doesn't match up. This place...it's ideal for the attorney lifestyle.

How many cities allow you to carry an open beer out on the street? Better yet, how many cities have bars that are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year? How many cities have bars that have stacks of plastic cups waiting at the door in case you want to take your beer with you? How many cities have such a wicked culture? Such great food? Weird-ass people intermingled with the poor, intermingled with the rich, intermingled with the hippies, intermingled with the coon-asses, intermingled with the hippie killers, intermingled with the average everyday middle-class citizen? As they say, it's the smallest big city in the world. The entertainment is to die for. Whether it be a night out on Bourbon Street, kicking back at one of the hundreds of live music venues, or just chilling at one of the thousands of local pubs bitching about how Hurricane Katrina took everything we inherited from grandma.

Unfortunately, the type of law that I want to practice doesn't have much of a presence in this city. Therefore, I'm going to have to go elsewhere when I finish law school. Fortunately that day is still well over a year away. Meanwhile, I have time to live it up and soak it in.

Priority Letter costs $4.80...believe me, it sucks

I got a rejection the other day from one of the firms that I recently interviewed with out of town. They stated that they were not currently in a position to offer any summer positions due to the economy, and blah, blah, blah, and all that other crap. Whether they are straight shooters or just feeding me a load of horse shit, it doesn't really matter. A rejection is a rejection. They all suck no matter how it's sugar coated. They said that they would revisit their hiring needs when it gets closer to the summer and if they were in a position to offer me something at that point, then they'd give me a call. I almost believe them. It's the first rejection in which someone has actually called me on the phone to deliver the verdict. It's more genuine to hear it directly than to open up that dreaded envelope delivered to my mailbox. After receiving the "official" you-suck-and-can't-work-for-us notification by mail, another envelope found its way into my mailbox. I thought, "Hmmm. They already sent me one rejection letter. I don't need a second one. I get the point." Then...like any curious person that doesn't want to open bad news and would just prefer to toss the mail in the garbage...I hold the envelope up to the sunlight and notice that it doesn't contain an 8.5 X 11. What could this be? I open it up and hot-diggity-damn, it's a check for 200 bucks. I need to start scheduling interviews for every Friday.

A little note about rejection letters...if you're interviewing someone and you send a rejection letter because they don't meet your needs, there is no need to beat around the damn bush. State it bluntly. This goes for all professions, not just the legal arena.

Since all of the law firm rejection letters are nearly identical, why waste my time with flowery language. Instead of 2 or 3 paragraphs stating how they are glad that I'm interested in the firm and how my qualifications are so outstanding and how they know I'll continue to do great in pursuing my legal education and how I'll be successful once I enter practice and...

Enough of that. Get to the point so I can read my next homework assignment. Something like this would work better:

Dear Mr. Unqualified:
Thank you for interviewing with our firm, but you're not good enough to work for us.
Buh-Bye

What about milk jugs?

Funny story...On my way to class this morning, I parked about 6 blocks away to avoid getting a ticket in the "Residential Parking" zone from the meter maids. During my stroll to class I noticed a Penske (U-Haul-like) truck creeping down the street. As I approached the truck I noticed the driver looking at me as if he was guilty of something. Then I noticed that he had the back door of the truck open with two people jumping in and out of the back as they ran to and from the recycling bins at each residence. They were picking up cans and bagging them up. With the unemployment rate increasing, I guess this is a new innovative method of grabbing a few extra bucks to help ease the financial burden of crack-cocaine purchases.

I'm not aware of any "aluminum-can theft" regulations regarding residential recycling bins. Is it theft if you leave something on the street in a trash bin and someone comes by and reaps the benefits? I doubt it, but then again I don't really know. After all, one man's trash is another man's treasure. How about invasion of privacy? I seriously doubt that anyone has a privacy interest in unbagged trash. Would it make a difference whether the cans were already bagged? What if the trash can is sitting halfway on the sidewalk and halfway in the driveway? Is it trespass? Do signs need to be posted? See what kind of questions go through my head now that I'm in law school.

As a side note concerning meter maids...These folks are quick to write a ticket for parking too long in residential zones, especially when it comes to taking advantage of the law students being in class. One of the buildings at the law school has a restaurant and tables for people to study at. Often times I see meter maids sitting in the lobby area trying to catch a break from the heat outside. Someone (I assume it was a fellow law student) taped a sign on the lobby wall saying, "Attention meter-maids: No parking here. Please leave." Now that's clever.

BBQ festival

As if this city is really that boring...

Nonetheless, with all of the different crap to do on a late weekend night, a group of law students decide to pass up Voodoo Fest, Haunted Houses, and the random trip to Bourbon Street to go watch a house burn. That's what we do in law school. Or at least that's what we do in our spare time. A group of my law school friends decided to pass up on a Haunted House trip and just hit a bar a two. While leaving one of the bars, one guy in our group stated, "Hey, where are all these firetrucks going? Oh, crap! There are flames down the road. Let's go check it out." So, that was the entertainment for the evening. As we're walking down the road, another guy said, "You know what's great about this city? At home I wouldn't have been allowed to carry my Jack & Coke outside of the bar to walk down the road to watch the fire department extinguish a fire. I don't know what I'll do once I take a job in a normal city." When we arrived at the scene, there was a crowd consisting of well over 100 people. Of those people, I'd say 75 had drinks with them. So we stood around and watched the fire department try to contain the fire as it started to spread to neighboring houses. The local paper reported it to be a 4-alarm fire. Apparently it was an arson. It was quite amazing watching the fire department break out the hook and ladders. The funny thing about the whole situation (if watching a fire could be funny...thinking about it morally) was how people would make trips to and from the closest bar just so they had beverages for the popular attraction.

Technology and its downside

According to some website that I stumbled upon (don't remember which), internet usage in the law school classroom is being prohibited at some schools. The article mentions that students tend to surf the web instead of paying attention in class. Duh! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Some schools even claim that students were surfing porn in the classroom. Now that's just funny. That takes some balls. I guess the big question becomes "Should internet usage be allowed in classrooms?" Why not? If someone wants to whack his willie instead of taking notes, then that's his choice. At least I, by paying attention, will likely get a better grade than that student. The internet is often useful during class. It allows me to quickly look up a case in one of the online legal databases if it is mentioned but not covered in class. It also gives me the opportunity to quickly look up those crazy legalese terms that never seem to make sense. I won't be a happy camper if they disallow internet usage in my classroom.