The Six Figure Vacation

Condom arguments

2009-03-18T09:37:00.002-05:00

I have a lot of crap to write about ranging from humping toads, computers taking over the world, silly church people arguing about the use of condoms, and Obama's claim to being part Irish. So which one do I talk about today? After flipping a four-sided coin, I've decided to discuss silly church people. It would be great to discuss Obama's heritage as a white man and watching toads frolic in the street, but I must refrain and save those topics for another day.

My reasons for discussing church folks is two-fold: (1) the four-sided coin ultimately determined my fate in this matter; and (2) I actually contemplated taking a Canon Law course in an attempt to becoming one step closer to graduation (then I realized what a stupid idea that was).

To justify posting this on my law school blog, I must come up with a law school reason. That reason is clearly stated in prong two of my reasons for discussing church folks. Now that I'm a broke, homeless bastard (I will gladly accept donations), I need to ensure my financial aid funds are available over the summer to pay the rent. In order to get financial aid for the summer, I'm required to take classes. Well that sucks, what are my options? There are only 3 options for classes offered on campus this summer. I've either taken the others or they won't help me graduate. One of those available courses is Canon Law. For those not in the know, Canon Law is the law as it relates to religion. I don't know much more about it than that. Mostly because I don't give a rat's ass about the law of the Church since the Church no longer rules the world. I assume the Church we speak of is the Catholic Church...after all, I'm in a Catholic law school...I highly doubt we'll be learning any of that Muslim or Baptist nonsense at this institution. After coming to my senses, I've pretty much set my mind on studying abroad over the summer. My ambition to study abroad does not stem from a desire to learn about other cultures and provide aid to dying apes in the Congo. It simply comes from the fact that I need financial aid to pay the rent. That simple. However, there is one thing that interests me about these other countries: what does the beer taste like over there?

Now that I've justified the existence of this post on a law school blog, time to discuss silly church people arguing about condoms. Apparently there is this brilliant (sarcasm? yes.) pastor out there that is concerned with AIDS and is criticizing the Catholic Church and the current Pope about their stance on the AIDS epidemic. First, this pastor is a complete idiot. Does he not realize that the Pope carries with him a cult following that will be quick to kick his ass for talking bad about their master? Second, he misconstrues the Pope's logic behind his stance on the use of condoms. The Pope says that abstinence is the only method to preventing AIDS and he is definitely correct. However, crazy pastor dude thinks that the Pope needs to come to his senses and realize that people don't wait for marriage and instead screw like rabbits. Where crazy pastor dude goes wrong is when he starts to question the Pope's stance on condoms. The whole reasoning for the Pope failing to endorse the use of condoms is because of religious beliefs. Think about it, once the Catholic Church accepts and endorses condoms, it basically sends the message to all priests and school children that fondling is okay in the community now. So my message to crazy pastor dude is, "Shut up. The Pope doesn't care about what you think. He doesn't care about what anyone thinks. He's the man. He flashes his wand and millions bow down. Get over it." Crazy pastor dude thinks that the Pope would be of great assistance by endorsing the use of condoms, but like I said...doing so would go against the Catholic belief that sex should only be used for procreation...it's not okay to partake in silly, sloppy, hot monkey sex.

I'm back...finally

2009-03-11T00:39:00.002-05:00

It's been about a month since the last post. I kind of forgot about the blog. I'll blame that on the new kegerator and Mardi Gras. Apparently this year's Mardi Gras had the largest turnout in 20 years. At least that's what one of the local news' channels stated. 13 people were shot this year, yet only one died of combat wounds. Not too bad.

Now that I'm back in the swing of things with school, I'll get back to posting on a regular basis. So stay tuned.

Break

2009-02-19T17:25:00.001-06:00

Mardi Gras and the new kegorater have me occupied til the festivities are over. I'll be sure to have great stories afterwards.

Tis the season!!!

2009-02-11T17:30:00.000-06:00

Not Christmas, not New Year's, not the goat festival...the heart of Carnival season has arrived. The 2009 Mardi Gras parades start rolling through my neck of the woods beginning this Friday. It's that magical time of year where people from all around the world come together in my city to share beads, boobies, booze, and more. The great thing about Mardi Gras is that it is, in effect, our Spring Break for law school. I guess they assume we won't be completely sober for classes...which is probably a valid assumption. To kick the festivities off just right, I have a brand new keg-o-rater. That means my residence will act as the official bar (for my own consumption that is). I'm sure I'll have some interesting observations about this year's festivities as they kick into full gear. So stay tuned.

Chopping block

2009-02-03T19:32:00.003-06:00

The Supreme Court recently handed down a case holding that a passenger in a vehicle can be frisked during a traffic stop provided that the officer has reasonable suspicion that the passenger could possibly be armed and dangerous. This could be good...this could be bad. I'm not a fan of the criminal mind, but at the same time I don't exactly trust law enforcement to the fullest extent either.

When I started typing this post, I was going to elaborate on my views of the outcome of the Supreme Court decision. I got too bored with the first paragraph, so onto my views of criminal punishment instead (much more exciting)...

You'll never catch me dealing with criminal law because, quite frankly, I support the idea that much harsher punishment should be available within our legal system. Sending folks to the Pen is a waste of time. I don't want to pay tax dollars to feed those that steal what I've earned. And screw the three-strike rule. I vote for the 10 strike rule...chop a finger off each time one of these convicts thieves an innocent person. By the time they're down to two thumbs, the ability to steal becomes non-existent. If they get busted running from the cops, eliminate a leg...that ought to slow them down. My 10 strike rule is obviously a little extreme and out of jest, but it does provide a solution to the overpopulation of penal institutions. After all, it only takes a handful of inmates to produce the yearly supply of license plates and roadside trash collection services.

People are too politically correct nowadays. What happened to the firing squads? The argument goes: they're people too, they have feelings and rights, blah, blah, blah. I support leveling the playing field just like Obama. However, my leveling begins with harsher punishment.

More randomness

2009-02-02T01:52:00.005-06:00

I have failed the blogosphere once again. My lack of posting could be blamed on several things, but let's just cut to the chase. I've forgotten about any loyal readers that might exist. I don't feel bad about it, so no apology coming your way...

Here are some random thoughts that just popped in my head after overhearing some whining nag bitching to the cashier about her ex-husband while I was at a local store.

Let's discuss divorce attorneys, shall we? Or better yet, why I would never be a divorce attorney. To start with, I don't really believe in divorce. It's a contract. If you breach, you shall be tortured. If you screw up and enter into a bargain (or lack thereof) that fails to provide adequate results, then that's your fault. Do your research. Generally speaking, a divorce comes about due to a lack of knowledge on your part and the failure to exert the proper effort in obtaining said knowledge. I understand that there are extraordinary circumstances in which one may not foresee trouble up ahead, but that's a drift away from the norm. Hence, very few legitimate reasons exist to justify a divorce. Such reasons may include: your wife got knocked up by the mailman, your husband likes playing with pogo sticks as much as you do, your significant other is in prison for killing the kids, your significant other has other significant others, your kids are too ugly and you're looking to find a better specimen to improve the next batch, etc., etc. Even the previously mentioned examples are your own damn fault. Sorry, but the truth hurts.

I think of divorce attorneys as being on the same level as ambulance chasers and public defenders. Most likely they're in that field of law for a reason; namely, the inability to succeed in law school. Why would anyone want to deal with battered wives who used spatulas to sever the genitals that once pleased them? Why would anyone want to deal with husbands that got demoted to dish washer from burger chef after getting caught molesting the store manager's 16-year old daughter? It's a complete waste of time. Maybe I'm just not sincere. Maybe I think you should dig yourself out of your own hole. Who knows? The big issue with divorce is determining who gets what for having to put up with the other's crap. The only equitable solution to a divorce is a classical Wild West duel. If you don't come to the show shooting blanks, you just might take home the pot.

There is a reason that representing corporate clients is much more appealing. You don't have to deal with: "I thought I could shoot that old hag. She stepped on my property and violated the restraining order." Instead you're much more likely to deal with competent folks. Competent folks get divorces too, but that's just because prostitution is more affordable for the rich...<--another valid reason for divorce.

Organazational structuring

2009-01-20T18:01:00.003-06:00

The porn industry is now asking the government for a $5 billion bailout. The movement is being headed by Larry Flynt and Joe Francis (publisher of Hustler and CEO of Girls Gone Wild, respectively). According to Flynt, the porn industry is hurting and therefore the health of the American people is going down the tubes. Flynt seems to think that we need sex more than vehicles and home loans. He must be living in some fantasy land. Where are people supposed to have sex if they can't obtain home loans? Last time I checked, public nudity gets you tossed into jail. Once in jail, you're subject to sex with Bubba (may not be the type you're into, but it's still sex, or so that's Flynt's mindset). Using Flynt's logic, it seems the lack of being able to obtain a home loan may be a good thing. Free sex at your local penal institution is not the type of sex that most Americans are looking for, but I guess it's the thought that counts. Thanks Flynt. You're a genius.

I tend to keep my blog tied to my experiences with law school and other related crap. Not that this has a whole lot to do with law school, but I'm taking a class involving corporate law this semester. Our professor tells us that we need to stay on top of current events involving the economy. So I thought, "Porn provides for a great economic discussion." And to my fellow Americans I say, "Whack it harder pal!"

Long weekend up ahead

2009-01-14T23:51:00.004-06:00

On a not-so-uplifting note, Mr. Bush will be delivering his final words to the American public as the Commander in Chief tomorrow evening. Such a sad, sad day...and I say that not out of sarcasm. Although his speeches make my IQ drop five points each time I tune in, he did a lot for this country at a critical time. Bash him all you want, but anyone with half a monkey's ass worth of brains would realize that he doesn't make the United States tick day-to-day. That's the legislature. He doesn't pass laws that keep gays from marrying, he didn't cause to market to tumble, he didn't create Hurricane Katrina, he didn't tell the oil companies to jack up the price of gas, and he wasn't the first president to not give a damn about your phones being tapped. So pull your fingers out of your ass and quit whining about him. The day has come for you haters...his term is almost over. Mark my words however, as he will go down as a remarkable figure in presidential history primarily due to the way he handled the war. People weren't too fond of Reagan when he left office, but they sure as hell bow down to him now. I just hope Bush raises the middle finger to those that hate him and says, "Kiss this, you liberal sissies!"

Now, since I'm full of energy this evening, time for another topic...

For one of my classes, we read one of those famous Martin Luther King letters in celebration of the upcoming holiday. It seems a bit absurd to read such a document in a law school course since he wasn't exactly an attorney (not that he claimed to be) and it really has nothing to do with Contract law. Maybe something from Gandhi would be more sufficient (at least he had a law degree). It's funny how people in this world seem to think that the holiday is his day. For example, "No class on Monday due to Mr. King's holiday." Well, let's get this straight. It's only his holiday if he were here to celebrate it. Technically, it's simply a day of remembrance. If it was his holiday, then he'd be here to celebrate it. So in all actuality, it's my holiday because I'm the one doing the celebrating. For that matter, it's not even a celebration. It's a day off from school. If it were a celebration, we'd all be throwing down Cinco de Mayo style. Okay, so maybe I will be throwing down Cinco de Mayo style, but that's not because of the particular holiday. My reasons for tossing back the 12 oz. bottles of Jesus Juice on this day of recognition extend no further than the simple fact that I don't have to be at school that day.

Not to detract from Mr. King's contributions to the Civil Rights' movement, but shouldn't there be an Abraham Lincoln holiday as well (okay, so we do have a President's day, but I still have to go to school, so it doesn't count). Hell, he got shot too. Now, I'm not a history major, but I'm pretty sure he played a significant role in the Civil War (which was the start to the abolition of slavery, correct? Once again, I'm no history buff...history is for wienies with nothing better to do with their spare time.) and contrary to popular belief there is no truth to the accusation of Lincoln owning slaves. Maybe I just want an additional day off from school, but that's beside the point. From now on, I think we should create holidays for every time a famous person gets shot. That way my kids will earn a degree without ever stepping foot on a college campus. After all, isn't that the American dream...getting rich by doing nothing? Or do I possess an ill-conceived notion of what the true American dream really is?

Helping hand

2009-01-12T16:54:00.003-06:00

Part of the law curriculum includes a pro bono requirement that essentially requires us to do free work which, if you think about it, makes little sense. Most of the pro bono opportunities consist of providing legal assistance to the needy. We haven't passed the bar yet, so it's kind of like awarding an engineering project involving the design and construction of the Golden Gate bridge to a group of welding and electrician students from vocational school. The bridge is doomed to fail. I'm sure our legal assistance won't be of much help either. But it is what it is...an opportunity to test our skills in a laboratory-like environment. A way to bypass part of the requirement is to take a Poverty Law course, so that's what I'm doing this semester. I'm not really sure why it's a requirement. It's great for those that desire to help those in need, but I don't really see much effort getting put into it by those that don't really have an interest in doing so. Engineers aren't required to design electric cars for the poor, investment bankers and stock brokers aren't required to give financial assistance to those that file for bankruptcy, and the NRA isn't required to teach hoodlums how to safely operate the trigger of a TEC-9. I'm not saying that I'm against helping the needy, but I have enough crap to worry about in law school. Save it for later and then maybe I'd be interested.

Back at it

2009-01-11T20:07:00.002-06:00

Well folks, I'm back!!!!!!!! Don't blow your wad just yet...at least wait until you finish reading this post. School starts back up tomorrow. It marks the start of the second half of my law school fun. I had a month-long break that included Bourbon Street bar hopping, watching Tide fans mope around the French Quarter after getting tea-bagged by the Mormons, and of course a healthy dose of fried chicken. Oh, I forgot about showing off my elite skills in the sporting category...I kicked ass in some pool, avoided doing the splits at the bowling alley, made people whine over losing a game of darts, and of course schooled those that dared to challenge my video gaming prowess.

Tick, tock

2009-01-01T21:11:00.000-06:00

On a vacation away from the blog til school starts back.

Forecast calls for calls for horse manure

2008-12-11T12:50:00.003-06:00

See, see, I was right about global warming. Either that or it was a bunch bird droppings on the ground this morning. Luckily it will be back up in the 70's again this weekend. I'm not used to cold weather here in this city. I moved to New Orleans to get away from the snow. And what do you know, it followed me.

One more exam to go. I'll be stationed at one of the local pubs by this time tomorrow afternoon. Life as I know it will be back to normal. Today's exam was not that bad. Intellectual property rights. There weren't any good hypotheticals to share from the exam. After reading the case law in class, I figured the exam would be like reading a comic book. Cases ranged from Debbie Does Dallas getting sued by the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Association, to trademarks for Old Glory Condoms, to hoo-hoo bong patents, etc. To my disappointment, the hypos were quite boring. Oh well.

My humor is lacking this afternoon, so I'll cut this post short. I think I'm going to opt for a quick nap before getting back to studying for that last final. Sweet dreams. Let me know what it feels like to enjoy the daylight.

Scratch paper

2008-12-10T13:22:00.004-06:00

Before I catch a few ZzZz's during nappy-nap time, I have a few things to share about this morning's exam. It was Con Law...with the hippie professor. Most of us take our exams on a laptop, but some folks write in the Blue Books. Generally the professor will hand out extra Blue Books as scratch paper for those typing on the computer. Before handing out the exam, she made it a point to say that the people using laptops shouldn't be taking a full Blue Book to use as scratch paper. Instead we should rip out a few pages so that each Blue Book would accommodate 3-4 individuals. Silly me...I forgot that we're supposed to be hugging trees in our spare time. For me, that crap ranks right up there with global warming. The caveman survived the ice melting. I'm pretty sure 10 generations from now can handle a few extra puddles and a few extra degrees of heat. And even if global warming is such a big issue, I don't have any kids. What do I have to worry about? I'll be telling war stories with the man up above over a nice cup of Sake. What's next? Should we extend human rights to elephants and apes? If you're that worried about chopping down a few extra trees, then you're probably in the wrong profession. I suggest trying computer science. Then again, that may require too much electricity. I guess it's a lose-lose situation. The only thing that bothers me about the whole ordeal is that the exam consisted of one long hypothetical taking up 7 pages of paper. A smaller font, shorter hypo, and double-sided printing would have done the same trick as cutting back on the Blue Books.

Study break time

2008-12-09T17:01:00.002-06:00

Since I'm in the middle of a study break, I figured I would share some of my humorous thoughts about Constitutional law. Con law primarily covers the judicial interpretation of the Constitution through the eyes of the 9 Supreme Court Justices (Scalia is my idol...his famous quote that I live by, "Well, that's my view, and it happens to be correct."). Issues in Con Law range from the home growth of medical marijuana for personal use, who has the right to keep and bear arms, discrimination (whether it be against race, gender, or general retards), and many other exciting topics. You don't have to memorize the Constitution to be successful in the class. You just have to know how to interpret and apply it to the case at hand...which I guess in some ways, that's close to having to memorize substantial parts of the Constitution. Nonetheless, memorization is not near as important as interpretation.

One of the big issues that just got handed down by the Supreme Court was the D.C. gun ban. Is it a violation of the 2nd Amendment right to bear arms? It was a 5-4 decision that basically leaves a somewhat comfortable feeling with gun toting rednecks...you can still have your guns, so don't get your panties in a wad just yet. I say just yet for a reason. It was a 5-4 decision. This means your dear President-elect may nominate some liberal wienie to the bench during his tenure as President. If that happens and another gun control case comes along, it's likely that your right to bear arms may be substantially affected. You wanted to level the playing field...well there you go...everyone will one day be required to fight with their fists. No more Uzi versus slingshot battles. Instead it's back to bare knuckles. A little ridiculous? Maybe, but I didn't vote for him...you did.

On a lighter note, another big issue is the medicinal usage of marijuana. If you love to smoke pot, then the liberal wienies taking over the bench may be a good thing for you. Get yourself a doctor's note and prepare to make your grand appearance at Woodstock '09. Don't get too excited though. I don't think LSD, crack, and meth have been proven useful in many medicinal applications...at least not yet.

Now how about discrimination and leveling the playing field for those disadvantaged in years past? Well, your tax dollar at work should prove to make the rich poorer and poor richer. Isn't that the reason you voted him in? So you could smooch off those that are successful and busted ass to get where they are? Take a back seat to government control sweetheart. Freedom? Hah, that's what you thought. Consider this your dream come true.

Ok, I'll back-pocket my political views for now. I'm sure I've stirred up a little emotion amongst those liberal whack-jobs. My apologies...well not really. I told you I can get a bit agitated and pissy during Finals' season.

Cream of the crop

2008-12-08T21:19:00.003-06:00

3 finals left. After that, the pains of law school get put on the back burner for a month. I tend to get somewhat agitated and bitchy during these times. Toss in the stress, mix it with water and caffeine as opposed to beer, and out pops the not-so-fun version of me. I'd hate for someone to attempt to mug me in this roach infested city during these times, because I'd probably wind up with a few bullet wounds. Stress pumps me up. I already know that I'm the best. But stress...that just makes me realize my greatness even more. For any of those classy New Orleans thugs thinking of mugging me during these times, you will promptly receive a swift kick to the balls. If that doesn't do the trick, then expect a second kick. Get the point? Leave me the hell alone. Sorry, got a little excited there...back to the stress discussion. Pressure to perform is, hands down, the best feeling in the world. Maybe it's the soon-to-be attorney in me, but when I enter the examination room...I seek to destroy. After all, that's the whole concept of law school. It's not about whether you can perform well on an exam, it's about outperforming the competition. Those who are the creme de la creme get the lush big firm jobs. The ones at the bottom of the rankings become criminal defense and family law attorneys. There is no way in hell you will ever catch me drafting divorce papers or bailing out some reject from jail.

Ball busting

2008-12-08T10:34:00.004-06:00

Fortunately this is the last week of finals. Unfortunately I still have a sub/cite article for the law journal that needs to be completed by the 15th. If I bust my balls, it can be done in just a few hours. But like I said, that's if I bust my balls. We all know that won't happen, because as soon as that last final is in the books, I'm off to the bar to erase any knowledge that I may have gained over the previous semester. The mind is sort of like a chalk board...what good is it if you can't erase mistakes?

For some reason, I picture Bourbon Street in my near future. I see myself carrying hand grenades, hurricanes, and jugs of Guinness...oh Joy! Maybe I'll get up on stage and karaoke me some Merle Haggard. Maybe I'll go shake my ass with the rest of the hippies at a zydeco punk bar. Maybe I'll go visit the palm readers and tell them they're full of crap. Maybe I'll join a Jazz band. Maybe I'll take a swim in the Mighty Mississippi. Maybe I'm just so damn excited that finals are about to be over. Maybe I should get back to studying before I resort to paradise prematurely.

Undergrads and libraries

2008-12-05T17:17:00.003-06:00

For those of you that don't know, I prefer to bury myself in the corner of the undergraduate library while studying for Finals. It allows me to avoid the contagiousness of the law school stress that seems to float in the air at the law library. The undergraduates aren't any less mature than most law students...they just haven't learned the methods of studying at the bar with a beer. Actually, yes they are less mature and let me explain why.

I'm sitting in the library trying to push aside some of that engineering knowledge to fit in a few extra legalese terms. I start to smell something. Who in the hell has pizza delivered to the "Quiet, no food, no drinks." section of the library? Did someone forget to read the sign? Or are you still attempting to pass remedial literature? Actually, how in the hell does the pizza man sneak in that big red bag without being chased out by those bitchy librarians? Does the Bud man deliver kegs of beer? If so, I'm never leaving the library again.

I never saw the Bud man make a delivery there, but a few of the kids obviously stowed away some hooch somewhere. Either that, or the library is Chris Rock's new champagne room. Apparently the cool kids nowadays go to the library to practice baby-making. Or at least that's where they make a few dry runs. While I was sitting there trying to study, I look up and notice some random girl straddling a guy in a chair. Last time I checked, Bourbon Street was a couple miles down the road. If you want to participate in live sex shows, take your ass down to where all the other freaks hang out. I'm trying to study...dammit.

With that being said, Final #2 is officially in the books. 3 to go, and then we head to the bar. Yippee!!!

4 to go

2008-12-04T13:23:00.002-06:00

I've been neglecting the blog world lately, but in my defense I've been quite the busy individual. Nothing really all that important, just the typical priorities in life...you know: studying, bar hopping, japanese whore houses, and bitching and moaning about random things. Other than that, life is still kicking along like a crack baby trying to bust his way out of the womb. I took my first final of the semester yesterday morning. Evidence...I was glad to get that one out of the way. I was beginning to get sick of reading about hearsay exceptions, intoxicated jurors, and retards. Final #2 is tomorrow. That's the fun one...prostitution and property rights! Oh the joys of law school.

Morality and property rights

2008-11-20T18:07:00.004-06:00

Let me first lay down the disclaimer before you read this post. If you don't like prostitution and can't handle me discussing it (not that I condone prostitution, but it sure is fun to joke about), then come back tomorrow because this may offend your precious religious/moral beliefs. Ok then, for the rest of you...sounds like you may have spent a little (maybe not enough) time north of Vegas.

A discussion was sparked in class today over property rights in cord blood, a fetus, your kidney, your arm, your leg, your third leg, you name it. Are these things property? Can they be sold? I haven't checked E-bay, but I'm sure it's out there. Then another student in class said, "You should be able to do what you want with your body parts. They're your property." Then the professor took the topic into prostitution and discussed the property aspect of prostitution related acts. Is your body property? Can you sell it?

The reason why I bring all of this up is because I view things from a totally different perspective. Who gives a damn about property rights with regard to selling your body? I think its blown (yeah funny word when discussing prostitution, eh?) out of proportion by discussing the property rights. Prostitution is not about selling your body contrary to what most dimwits think. My view is that it's selling your services. It's no different than flipping burgers at McDonald's. Think about it. A prostitute provides pleasure to those that seek out the services. In return for the service, one fronts the money. When the service is rendered, the transaction is completed. How is that any different than a barber or chiropractor? Are barbers selling their bodies when cutting your hair? The hands become occupied and can do nothing else. So tell me how it's different. Is it because it requires no education to spread the legs? I think not. Is it because it's immoral? That's ridiculous. Don't let morals get in the way. Those are over rated. Get out there and make some money. If prostitution is your cup of tea, have at it.

Tickling your fancy

2008-11-19T15:11:00.000-06:00

For those that know me, you're aware of my political aspirations. Yes, one day that White House will be mine. And yes, yes, we'll have keg parties with couch burning on the front lawn...don't worry, I don't forget where I come from. Some people have wild fantasies. Whether you enjoy frog gigging, poker, molesting sheep...it doesn't matter as long as it tickles your fancy. What tickles my fancy is power and fame. I was hoping to move into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue this winter, but it looks like Obama beat me to it. I guess I'll just have to work my way up chain. I was in search of a short cut, but it doesn't look like that will play out in my favor. I'm not sure what states had hanging chad issues this year, but it's definitely apparent since I didn't receive the majority vote.

Hypo time

2008-11-18T18:09:00.002-06:00

I've been slacking a bit on the blog lately, so I figured I'd sit my happy ass down and write one for a change. That way I won't lose my handful of loyal readers. Well, this is the last week of classes, minus a couple of review courses next Monday. Then it's time for Finals. Or as I call it, my premature visit with Hell. This was a much different type of semester than were the first three. This semester was by far the busiest of them all. With that being said, it sure did fly by. Of course, the Hurricane Gustav hiccup gave me a tad bit of a vacation in the beginning of the semester. You ask, what time is it? It's my hypo time. My favorite time of year in the blogosphere. For those of you regulars, you know I have a little fun with what I've learned in classes by coming up with my own little hypos. Hypo 1:

George Gonja was a mentally retarded individual who decided to purchase a condo in one of New York's most distinguished facilities in Manhattan. Of course you may ask where the hell George got the money to do so, since he blows his wad on cocaine and booze and has never held a job. Let's just say, he is a lucky beneficiary of Obama's new tax plan to help out the hippies lacking a respectable IQ. Under the condo association guidelines, it states in part, "No medical marijuana growing shall be permitted in any residence. If you want to chief doobies, please move back to California." In all his wisdom, George decides not only to grow the plants on the premises, but also to hang them in the community hallway to add a little life and decoration to the boring two-tone paint scheme. Although George is not that brilliant, he is a master at growing the world's finest green leaves. He patented his invention with the USPTO by tricking them into believing that this was a biotech invention for practical medicinal applications. Several of the condo association members were outraged with George's decor and sought to enjoin him from continuing to grow plants at his leisure on the premises. The condo association argues that he is in violation of the association guidelines. George brings a counter-claim alleging that the condo association guidelines violate his Constitutional rights and are a blatant showing of discrimination against pot heads. Please discuss all causes of action for both parties and who will prevail on said causes of action.

Shut-eye

2008-11-15T13:49:00.003-06:00

My eye lids are getting heavy from all this reading. I've read well over 1000 pages of case law this past week trying to prepare for finals. The case book authors tend to find the most interesting cases available to spark interest in particular subjects. So it's not nearly as painful as it sounds. Topics range from legalized usage of marijuana, to gun toting rednecks, to trademarks for condoms, to trademark infringement in the porn industry, to spreading of venereal diseases, to landlords and tenants kicking each other's ass, to incestual relationships, to bastard children, to trafficking cocaine, to lavish parties, and to many other random topics. That's why law school is so much better than engineering. Assaults and batteries just don't occur that often in the derivation of mathematical equations.

As one attorney stated to me, it's not that often that you can write a paper about a man shaking his penis at a prison guard and be expected to provide the details.

Random thoughts, nothing better to write about

2008-11-11T21:04:00.005-06:00

The question posed is always, why leave a profession to go back to school. Someone asked me the other day if I enjoyed law school and whether I would do it again if faced with the decision. I love it. Hands down the answer is yes I'd do it again. My social life has taken a blow, but three years of hell is better than a lifetime at trying to make ends meet. I realize that not all attorneys become wealthy, but this one will. I don't look up to heroes. Heroes are for followers. That's not to say that there is anything wrong with a follower. For every leader, there are those that follow. It's just not my cup of tea. I chase dreams and aspirations. Law school just happens to be the one avenue that must be taken to catch a few of those dreams.

People bitch about attorneys making lots of money off of other peoples' problems and being scum bags. My response is "Get over it." Sure the profession has potential to make you rich. Scum bags though? Depends on how you view it. I see it as solving problems for people that could not otherwise do for themselves. People say, "I can represent myself better than any attorney." You really think so, eh? Well, good luck. Let me know how that turns out.

Here's my justification. Law school is one of the most grueling experiences that one could possibly be subjected to mentally. In addition, my tuition is $35,000 a year. That doesn't include books and all the other expenses. I'll have a 150K mortgage when I graduate law school with only a piece of framed cotton paper to show for it. For those that succeed, they are rewarded. That's why I don't believe in spreading the wealth. I busted my ass to get where I am. I took the risk by the willingness to endure such debt to reap the benefits later. I can't file bankruptcy to avoid paying student loans. I'm stuck. Here's a shovel. Start digging your way out. And when I do, I shall enjoy my riches with no strings attached.

Another shot of pain, please

2008-11-11T20:37:00.003-06:00

With finals coming close, the stress in the air is becoming more noticeable than the New Orleans stench. 1L's are running around the campus bitching about finals and how the stress is so painful, 2L's are whining about the load and having another year to go, and 3L's are just drinking more beer awaiting graduation. They always say, "The first year they scare you to death, the second year they work you to death, and the third year they bore you to death." I don't know about the third year, but the first two conjunctive elements of that statement are dead on. Law school is a different animal. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it changes you as a person. For better or for worse, I don't know. But at least I feel smarter. More cynical too. It's amazing how many stress-relief seminars that the school has in place to keep you from going insane. I have to say the most effective of the seminars are the ones that provide beer. Who in the hell promotes beer drinking as stress relief? Leave it to those damn attorneys. You're taught your whole life that consuming alcohol as a stress relief mechanism means that you're an alkie. Not according to this profession. Here it's a character building exercise. Drink the pain away and go on to the next case. Lawyers are better than anyone when it comes to separating feelings from logic. If you want logic, seek an attorney. If you want feelings, go join an activist group. Most people say, "Wow that's immoral!" Who cares, it's logical and that's all that matters.

Interior decoration

2008-11-09T14:45:00.004-06:00

We got off on a tangent for a little discussing politics, cheap beer, and other nonsense. So let me push this blog back in the direction of law school.

MySpace seems to be at it again. They keep ripping applications and features off Facebook and disguising them as their own. Now they've seemed to rip off the "People you may know" tool. Maybe I should send my resume to Facebook to see if they would like to hire me as in-house counsel. I think they should sue the piss out of MySpace for copyright infringement. Of course, that assumes that they were bright enough to copyright their website material. I'm sure MySpace could turn around and sue Facebook for some of the same crap. Maybe I should send my resume to MySpace too.

My weekend in TN was fun. Now it's back to reality though. 3 more weeks until finals. Time is slipping away. I need to go bury my head in the stacks and take a few power naps in the library carrels. Jack myself up on caffeine and enter into study mode. Oh the joys of law school.

If anyone cares, my interview last week went well, but it's not usually a good sign when one of the shareholders from the firm starts the interview out with, "You do know the economy is down at the moment? We don't know if we have the resources to extend any offers. With that being said, you were selected for an interview because we're interested in your credentials." I'll send off my Thank-you letters and wait on another one of those 100% cotton rejection letters. I think I have enough to start a collage. My place needs decorating so maybe I'll go purchase some frames and hang them next to my Engineering diplomas. It can serve as a constant reminder to let me know that I once had a real job. Then again...if I stay jobless, I can benefit from Obama's new tax plans.

Who turned on the air conditioner?

2008-11-06T14:49:00.003-06:00

I arrived in Nashville this morning without incident. Not that I expected anything whack to happen, but we've all seen those Southwest Airlines shows on tv. I noticed something today after getting here. Usually I drive up from N.O. The long drive tends to blur the differences between there and here. Today I flew in. I left a city where people pack concealed heat to cap others just for the hell of it. I arrived in a place where people carry guns in case they stroll across the golden opportunity to bring home a new wall decoration. There is a big difference between Thuggish-Ruggish neighborhoods to Hillbilly Hollow. The difference is not a decrease (or increase) of quality of people in the two very different places, it's just a mere change of ethnicity. Same people, different makeup.

I attempted to study on the plane, but it's such a short flight that the plane never levels out. Therefore, my ears kept popping due to the rapid changes in altitude. Screw the studying...Jack & Coke please. As I got off the plane, two Cajun rednecks (on their way to Vegas) said, "Let's go grab a beer." Of course, it was barely 8 in the morning at that time. But when you come from a place where no bars hold, it's a shock to find out that drinking establishments actually close up for the evenings. It seems so sacriligious. Anyway, study today, interview tomorrow, and then we'll see what else pops up.

Check in time

2008-11-05T16:39:00.004-06:00

My Constitutional Law class this morning was a joy...take notice of the sarcasm. Upon entering the classroom, the professor stated, "This is a wonderful period in American history." The thoughts rumbling in my head were, "Not everyone is so enthusiastic about communism, but whatever floats your boat." I won't be as hard on Obama as the liberal sissies were on bashing Bush for the last 8 years. Obama will fail to win me over like he seems to think he can do. He's the next President, so I'll support him. But that doesn't mean that I'll be brain-washed into believing his socialist policies. I don't believe in redistributing the wealth. If I become filthy rich, then the money is mine and not for the taking of others. If I want to share my wealth, then I'll do so as I see fit. If I am filthy rich, it is likely due to the wise decisions I have made along the way. I'm not against the poor folks, but most of the time people are poor due to laziness and the unwillingness to make an honest living. Please give me a legitimate reason why I should help "level the playing field." Like the famous quote goes, "If you're looking for 'sympathy', you can find it in the dictionary between 'shit' and 'syphilis' because you're not getting any from me."

With that being said, he is our next President. Stand behind him while he is in office and hopefully he'll do a good job. It's nonsense to say that you're going to move out of the country just because someone takes office that you don't agree with. We're still the best nation in the world and that won't change because of one particular individual. If he doesn't do a good job, then we'll just vote his ass out of office in 4 years. That's the power of a democracy.

On a more uplifting note, I'll be flying into Nashville tomorrow for another interview with one of those "elite" firms. Hopefully, I'll land the job, but we'll see how it goes.

Unqualified voters and target practice

2008-11-04T13:22:00.003-06:00

Since when did schools start letting kids out of school on Election day? I know I was never that lucky back then and I'm sure as hell not that lucky now. Instead of letting kids out of school for the day, they should be on lockdown within the confines of school property throughout the day while the polls are open. Feed 'em cheese & crackers, whiskey & beer, whatever the hell you want, but just make them go to school. No wonder why kids today have the brains of my left nut. They get out of school for every reason known to man. If nothing else, educate them so that they can make wise decisions when they do get old enough to vote on election day. Speaking of kids voting...

The voting age should be raised to 25. Very few people under the age of 25 have the capability to form their own opinion based on the actual political issues that we face. Sorry kids, but getting your political education from Carson Daly, MTV, the Dixie Chicks, lame activist groups, MySpace, and Hollywood doesn't make you qualified to vote. It makes you more of an idiot than you already may have been. Don't raise the whole, "If I can go register for the Army and fight for my country, then I should be able to vote, drink, etc." That's nonsense. We recruit you for the Army simply because you have not the brains to do anything else in society at that age. That's why you have the choice: College, Army, or McDonald's.

In addition to raising the voting age, we should lower the drinking age and raise the age at which a kid can get a driver's license. Let 'em start drinking at twelve. They need to experience enough adversity in order to figure out that they should do something more than just being drunk and stupid their entire life. Get it out of the way early that way they will have sobered up by the time we allow them to go to the polls. Raise the driver's license age so that these young punks can get the drinking out of their system before they get the fancy idea of throwing beer bottles at road signs and other nonsense that I was 100% guilty of during my youth.

And you thought I was just going to rant and rave about kids, eh? People who do not have jobs and have never held jobs and do not contribute to society should not be able to vote. Lazy people, bums, the poor crack heads that bitch and moan about how we should spread the wealth...these people should not be able to vote.

And the winner of the election is...

2008-11-03T23:51:00.002-06:00

Hopefully I'll post something tomorrow morning that I was hoping to post this evening. I already composed the post, however, it is on my other computer and I don't feel like powering it up at the moment. In the meantime, I would like to remind everyone to go vote tomorrow. It's important that people get out and pencil my name in on the ballot. Without your help, I won't be able to overcome the pollsters predictions of either Obama or McCain winning this election.

Unfortunately, I'm too young to become president at this point in time. So I encourage everyone to petition your representatives to propose amending the Constitution to allow a specific age exception for me. As your president, I will make beer tax-free, I will fight to get you one free ticket for you to shoot your enemy in the foot, and I will veto all bills that cross my desk that I don't understand. Oh, and I promise that everyone will receive free night vision goggles and one free RPG per household, just for the sake of having some fun during the 4th of July.

Halloween Costumes

2008-11-02T19:29:00.000-06:00

This city, of course, is probably one of the greatest cities to celebrate Halloween. You got the Voodoo scene, the ghost crap, the witch-craft, those wannabe psychic tarot card readers, beer, candy, parades...the list goes on and on. Sounds sort of like Halloween, eh? That's just a taste of normal life here. Those are all great reasons why this place is the perfect setting for Halloween. But what about the number 1 reason why this place is great for Halloween...

As I'm driving home just after dark, trick-or-treaters were out in full force. Glancing over at the sidewalk I notice a family walking down the sidewalk. The kids are dressed up carrying their buckets. Trailing behind the kids are the parents pulling a radio-flyer, which I assume is to carry the load of candy. But wait, the parents are also pulling an ice chest (presumably full of beer). But wait, each adult has a beer in hand. Classic! In any other city, the parents would be fined for public intoxication and would probably go to jail for child neglect. Here, it's a part of life.

And those weren't the only parents toting coolers on Halloween night.

Font this

2008-10-30T22:52:00.001-05:00

My font got screwed up in the last post and I've spent 15 minutes trying to get it back to normal. I even edited the HTML. For some reason it won't allow me to save the changes. So you're screwed. You must read it in the boring Arial font.

Great Ideas

2008-10-30T22:14:00.007-05:00

When I get bored, I search for random crazy things on the web. With an interest in patent law, my new hobby is to search for crazy patents that have been issued. I did a random google search for funny patents and stumbled across some websites that list outlandish patents.

This patent - Original...yes. Crazy...yeah, well that too. Go to the USPTO site yourself (http://patft.uspto.gov/netahtml/PTO/search-bool.html), then enter 7,122,000 in the "Term 1" field and select "Patent Number" from the drop down box in "Field 1". Once it shows you a summary of the patent, you can click on the "Images" link to view the patent application and the actual drawings.

Okay, so I'm sure you were too lazy to follow my instructions. Let me explain this one. It's basically a patent for a sex toy. After reading the description, I've come to the conclusion that this is a bong for the hoo-hoo. How in the world do people come up with this crap? I think I have the answer to this one. Here is my hypothesis:

After getting home from school while Mom and Pop are still at work, the kids get out the bong and jack some of Dad's stash. They go to the garage, huff some gasoline, snort some sweet tarts, take a few hits of LSD, and light up Bobo the Bong. Then comes the wild idea. One kid says, "Hey, I bet your sister uses this bong to stimulate her hoo-hoo." The other kid says, "Shut up and take your turn." The genius in the group then says, "Nah, really doods. We should patent a hoo-hoo bong." The idea gets leaked and the porn industry grabs a hold of the idea. Next thing you know, it's the newest item in stock at the local Adult Emporium. And someone makes a fortune. Who said only scientists come up with these novel patent ideas?

For hire

2008-10-29T20:19:00.000-05:00

As I sit back and try to figure out where in the world I'll end up after law school, one thing crosses my mind...I'll miss this place. There is something about this city that just grabs you by the balls and won't loosen up on the grip. It's the most amazing city in the country, regardless of the negative views of those that have never been here have about it, or those views from people who visited for a weekend and never left the French Quarter. I've lived in L.A. for a period of my life. Cool. Big City. Lots of things to do. But...it doesn't match up. I've also lived in the sticks of Tennessee. Small town. Peaceful. No crime. But not a whole of shit to do and the people are always worried about what everyone else is up to...it doesn't match up. I've visited Vegas and did the Vegas thing. Fun - yes. But...it doesn't match up. This place...it's ideal for the attorney lifestyle.

How many cities allow you to carry an open beer out on the street? Better yet, how many cities have bars that are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year? How many cities have bars that have stacks of plastic cups waiting at the door in case you want to take your beer with you? How many cities have such a wicked culture? Such great food? Weird-ass people intermingled with the poor, intermingled with the rich, intermingled with the hippies, intermingled with the coon-asses, intermingled with the hippie killers, intermingled with the average everyday middle-class citizen? As they say, it's the smallest big city in the world. The entertainment is to die for. Whether it be a night out on Bourbon Street, kicking back at one of the hundreds of live music venues, or just chilling at one of the thousands of local pubs bitching about how Hurricane Katrina took everything we inherited from grandma.

Unfortunately, the type of law that I want to practice doesn't have much of a presence in this city. Therefore, I'm going to have to go elsewhere when I finish law school. Fortunately that day is still well over a year away. Meanwhile, I have time to live it up and soak it in.

Priority Letter costs $4.80...believe me, it sucks

2008-10-29T00:12:00.003-05:00

I got a rejection the other day from one of the firms that I recently interviewed with out of town. They stated that they were not currently in a position to offer any summer positions due to the economy, and blah, blah, blah, and all that other crap. Whether they are straight shooters or just feeding me a load of horse shit, it doesn't really matter. A rejection is a rejection. They all suck no matter how it's sugar coated. They said that they would revisit their hiring needs when it gets closer to the summer and if they were in a position to offer me something at that point, then they'd give me a call. I almost believe them. It's the first rejection in which someone has actually called me on the phone to deliver the verdict. It's more genuine to hear it directly than to open up that dreaded envelope delivered to my mailbox. After receiving the "official" you-suck-and-can't-work-for-us notification by mail, another envelope found its way into my mailbox. I thought, "Hmmm. They already sent me one rejection letter. I don't need a second one. I get the point." Then...like any curious person that doesn't want to open bad news and would just prefer to toss the mail in the garbage...I hold the envelope up to the sunlight and notice that it doesn't contain an 8.5 X 11. What could this be? I open it up and hot-diggity-damn, it's a check for 200 bucks. I need to start scheduling interviews for every Friday.

A little note about rejection letters...if you're interviewing someone and you send a rejection letter because they don't meet your needs, there is no need to beat around the damn bush. State it bluntly. This goes for all professions, not just the legal arena.

Since all of the law firm rejection letters are nearly identical, why waste my time with flowery language. Instead of 2 or 3 paragraphs stating how they are glad that I'm interested in the firm and how my qualifications are so outstanding and how they know I'll continue to do great in pursuing my legal education and how I'll be successful once I enter practice and...

Enough of that. Get to the point so I can read my next homework assignment. Something like this would work better:

Dear Mr. Unqualified:
Thank you for interviewing with our firm, but you're not good enough to work for us.
Buh-Bye

What about milk jugs?

2008-10-27T02:11:00.003-05:00

Funny story...On my way to class this morning, I parked about 6 blocks away to avoid getting a ticket in the "Residential Parking" zone from the meter maids. During my stroll to class I noticed a Penske (U-Haul-like) truck creeping down the street. As I approached the truck I noticed the driver looking at me as if he was guilty of something. Then I noticed that he had the back door of the truck open with two people jumping in and out of the back as they ran to and from the recycling bins at each residence. They were picking up cans and bagging them up. With the unemployment rate increasing, I guess this is a new innovative method of grabbing a few extra bucks to help ease the financial burden of crack-cocaine purchases.

I'm not aware of any "aluminum-can theft" regulations regarding residential recycling bins. Is it theft if you leave something on the street in a trash bin and someone comes by and reaps the benefits? I doubt it, but then again I don't really know. After all, one man's trash is another man's treasure. How about invasion of privacy? I seriously doubt that anyone has a privacy interest in unbagged trash. Would it make a difference whether the cans were already bagged? What if the trash can is sitting halfway on the sidewalk and halfway in the driveway? Is it trespass? Do signs need to be posted? See what kind of questions go through my head now that I'm in law school.

As a side note concerning meter maids...These folks are quick to write a ticket for parking too long in residential zones, especially when it comes to taking advantage of the law students being in class. One of the buildings at the law school has a restaurant and tables for people to study at. Often times I see meter maids sitting in the lobby area trying to catch a break from the heat outside. Someone (I assume it was a fellow law student) taped a sign on the lobby wall saying, "Attention meter-maids: No parking here. Please leave." Now that's clever.

BBQ festival

2008-10-25T20:32:00.003-05:00

As if this city is really that boring...

Nonetheless, with all of the different crap to do on a late weekend night, a group of law students decide to pass up Voodoo Fest, Haunted Houses, and the random trip to Bourbon Street to go watch a house burn. That's what we do in law school. Or at least that's what we do in our spare time. A group of my law school friends decided to pass up on a Haunted House trip and just hit a bar a two. While leaving one of the bars, one guy in our group stated, "Hey, where are all these firetrucks going? Oh, crap! There are flames down the road. Let's go check it out." So, that was the entertainment for the evening. As we're walking down the road, another guy said, "You know what's great about this city? At home I wouldn't have been allowed to carry my Jack & Coke outside of the bar to walk down the road to watch the fire department extinguish a fire. I don't know what I'll do once I take a job in a normal city." When we arrived at the scene, there was a crowd consisting of well over 100 people. Of those people, I'd say 75 had drinks with them. So we stood around and watched the fire department try to contain the fire as it started to spread to neighboring houses. The local paper reported it to be a 4-alarm fire. Apparently it was an arson. It was quite amazing watching the fire department break out the hook and ladders. The funny thing about the whole situation (if watching a fire could be funny...thinking about it morally) was how people would make trips to and from the closest bar just so they had beverages for the popular attraction.

Technology and its downside

2008-10-23T18:50:00.002-05:00

According to some website that I stumbled upon (don't remember which), internet usage in the law school classroom is being prohibited at some schools. The article mentions that students tend to surf the web instead of paying attention in class. Duh! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Some schools even claim that students were surfing porn in the classroom. Now that's just funny. That takes some balls. I guess the big question becomes "Should internet usage be allowed in classrooms?" Why not? If someone wants to whack his willie instead of taking notes, then that's his choice. At least I, by paying attention, will likely get a better grade than that student. The internet is often useful during class. It allows me to quickly look up a case in one of the online legal databases if it is mentioned but not covered in class. It also gives me the opportunity to quickly look up those crazy legalese terms that never seem to make sense. I won't be a happy camper if they disallow internet usage in my classroom.

NFL prospects

2008-10-22T18:27:00.000-05:00

Just recently, there was an old lady who discovered a football in her front yard. She refused to return the ball to the neighborhood kids that apparently caused it to land in her front yard. The parents of one of the kids filed suit claiming that the old lady stole the football and failed to return it. Although this wasn't part of the article that I read, the big question is whether she should be charged for not returning the football. I haven't done the whole criminal law thing yet, but let's discuss what she could possibly be liable for.

First, the ball was in her yard without her consent. So I say, "Screw the kids, it's hers." At the same time, the question becomes "Does she have to return the ball?". I say no. It landed in her yard and therefore becomes her property. Does a neighbor have to return "what was" the property of a neighbor prior to the ball landing in her yard? Is this some sort of servitude where she is obligated to return the ball and allow the kids to enter her property to retrieve it? This sounds like a stupid hypothetical that all parents would claim to be ridiculous. However, it seems to be something that may occur in an everyday neighborhood. It all boils down to what the jury seems to be reasonable. I'm leaving this for you people to think about and then we'll address the issue at a later date.

I have to do some research to determine what the Court would hold. I'll get back to you on this.

Swimming at the rec center

2008-10-21T19:04:00.000-05:00

I have a rather funny case for you. It's the Supreme Court decision often referred to as the Christian Burial Speech. This mentally ill patient (for those that would prefer me to use a more demeaning term...retard) had recently bolted from a mental facility. He was at the YMCA where he abducted some young girl, covered her up in a blanket (or something like that), and then carried her out to his vehicle. To top things off, he requested help from another kid to help open the door to his vehicle. The kid noticed feet dangling from the blanket and then alerted the parents who were in search of their missing daughter. The police were then notified. The nut bag was later arrested. He invoked his Constitutional right to the assistance of counsel. The police were instructed to transport him to another facility, but were told not to question him. During the transport, one of the officer's took advantage of the not-so-intelligent man knowing that he was very sensitive to religion. The officer made some speech about how it sure would be nice if they knew where the body was so that her family could have a Christian burial. The dude then led the police to the body.

The question for the court was whether this was a violation of his Miranda rights, namely the right to counsel. The more narrow question was whether this conversation amounted to an interrogation or just a casual conversation. The man filed a motion to suppress the evidence based on a violation of his Constitutional privilege. The Supreme Court ultimately held that this was a violation of his Constitutional privilege; however, the Court held that the body would have been found anyway during police investigation and therefore the physical evidence was admitted.

Elimination techniques

2008-10-20T20:21:00.000-05:00

Saturday morning I attended a 3-hour skills course that basically discussed the fitness and character requirements necessary for the practice of law. They discussed things that would get you in trouble with the disciplinary office and what acts are grounds for getting debarred. I have no problem with attorneys who seek to clean up the profession; in fact, I think its great. However, maybe it's because I approach problem solving differently than the liberal arts wienies, that I would nip the problem in the ass from its roots instead of waiting for the problem to grow into a large three-headed monster. Law school is a game of who is better. Hence, the ranking system. This competition and pressure to do well creates the problems that the disciplinary offices seek to reduce. Why not just eliminate the ranking system and not hand out grades? Everyone would be in the top ten percent and no one would go insane. Some schools already do this, but then how do the large firms know who to offer those huge salaries to straight out of law school? I have a solution to solve that problem: Beer drinking marathon. It may sound counterintuitive, but the best attorney's that I've come to know can sure hold their own.

Is this billable?

2008-10-17T16:07:00.000-05:00

1993!!! I'm about to reach 2000 hits according to my stat counter. Give yourself a pat on the back. It means that you have officially wasted too much time surfing my blog while you could be doing other things. If you only spent that much time performing your job duties at work, then maybe you'd get a better raise. I'm not saying that work is more exciting, but it may be more important. Nah, who in the hell am I kidding? It's probably more productive reading my blog. Now I wish I would have been posting regularly over the last month. That way I could take credit for you not meeting your October deadlines. We'll work on missing work deadlines next month. So stay tuned.

Move over G.I. Joe

2008-10-16T17:24:00.000-05:00

You may wonder how this post ties into the whole law school thing. I guess it's mainly because politicians are generally lawyers and I feel like assessing the situation from a more humorous side of things. Other than that, no reason...just read.

Last night was another debate. As much as I dislike Obama and think he's a knob, McCain isn't exactly that much better. I'm sure I'll check the box next to McCain's name (in fact I know I will because I don't think Obama is worth the bird crap that accumulates on my windshield while I park under that oak tree in front of the law school...wow I can paint beautiful pictures with my words, eh?), but it's primarily because this year will end up being a party vote for me. If you're still straddling the fence on trying to determine who to vote for, then let me help you out.

Who do you think will be the better butt of the jokes on late night tv shows? Who would make a better action figure? Who will have a shorter term so that we can get someone worthwhile in office? I can go on and on with these stupid questions if need be, but I think you can make an informed decision based off the previous three questions. With that being said, let me answer the questions for you.

First and foremost, McCain will be in ICU for much of the 4 year term kicking back Viagra pills while he has his new pace maker installed. Then, what better than a hip gun-toting chick to lead the nation?

McCain will definitely make a better action figure...just think about the wild poses you could make with those funny arms. Go-Go Gadget, Stretch Armstrong, now it's simply the Major McCain Pain doll.

The first question is a bit tougher. Right now it's easier to crack jokes on McCain, but Obama won't be far behind once he starts banging hookers in the Oval Office.

The overall debate is pretty much over. It's obvious that McCain is only running so that when his arteries clog his estate can make a pretty good argument for why he should be the first president to be buried in the White House garden as a decorated war veteran. If you really think about it, his key motive is simply to prevent OWhackMyNaba from becoming president. Clinton used his White House bid to obtain free blow jobs, Bush Dos Equis wanted to drop bombs and become a better public speaker (I still support his brilliance that he passes along to us...as crazy as that may sound), and now it's basically a question of "Who's next and what benefit are you seeking?" With that being said, I wish I was of age to announce my presidential bid. My reasons are obvious...150K of law school debt needs to be paid off.

Channel blogspot

2008-10-15T22:27:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I made another post tonight...not this one...the one below. Wow, I think this is like 3 in a row. I'm on a roll. I utilized my free time this evening by editing posts that I started in the past but never posted. In addition, I even created a few new posts that I will share in the near future. I have 5 posts awaiting "publication". I can't post them all at once, because then I'd have to develop new material. This gives me some breathing room. Hopefully the consecutive posting will keep you people off those porn sites and paying more attention to my nonsense. So if I start falling behind, just nudge me and I'll get back on it. I have several posts stored away in my arsenal. Stay tuned.

Pushing buttons makes a difference

2008-10-15T21:10:00.001-05:00

I intended to post this blog a month or so ago but I apparently forgot to click the "Publish Post" button. It was just some random thoughts tossed together to form a post. Calling people names and all those other enjoyable things that I do behind the scenes:

I'm going to use this opportunity to discuss 1L's. I have the right to bash them now that I'm no longer one of them. They're douche bags. I was never a douche bag, but these ones are. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Okay, they're not really douche bags...I just couldn't think of a better term that was as entertaining without the negativity. They're just recent college grads with no real life experience under their belts. Me...I had already had a job. In addition, I had already used more than 9 lives prior to law school providing me some real-life experiences to expand upon (falling out of the back of the bus on the interstate, looking into the eyes of an 80-year old cracked out hag going down the wrong way on the interstate, and of course surviving my 21st birthday...just to name a select few).

After switching to the common law program, I now have a lot of classes with kids from other states. When these folks heard a hurricane was coming, they started to scramble and worry about what to do. Chill, grab a beer, air up an inner-tube, and use this opportunity to feel like you're at a water park. Even with my logic, there exists one flaw. Most water parks don't pose the risk of float-by shootings. Then again, most water slides don't trek through the ghetto either.

Now, you may be wondering why I randomly decided to call these folks names. Mainly it's because I have nothing better to do with my spare time. More importantly, however, is that it's amazing to listen to the level of maturity between these kids and the evening division. Sometimes while I sit in class and listen to these folks, I'm thinking to myself, "When in the world is the bell going ring? Don't we have a pep rally to go to?" It's really that bad. I'm not exaggerating. I know who screwed who, who called who a bad word, and who got sent to the principal's office. It's like watching a soap opera unfold right before my eyes. I'm beginning to think this is the Hollywood School of Law.

The moral of the post is (not that there really is one): It's better to no longer be a newbie.

Wheat and dope...the same thing?

2008-10-14T19:19:00.005-05:00

For my Constitutional Law class (referred to as Con Law in the legal world, although I think the term "Con Law" should refer to case law used to fry child molesters and other criminals), I have a very liberal professor that may or may not have enjoyed toking back on a few doobies back in her day. One day during class we were discussing a recent case involving legalized prescriptions for medical use of marijuana in the state of California. The Supreme Court Justices referred to the substance by its scientific name: cannabis. The professor said, "So, how do the rights to regulate interstate commerce by Congress apply to this case involving 'Can-uh-beece'?" She said, "Did I say that right?" The knowledgeable chiefers in class said, "No. It's Can-uh-bis." She said, "I would of known that if I was your age." Well thanks, you just provided us a little insight into your younger college days.

On another note, the opinion delivered by the Court was quite interesting in how it came to the conclusion that Congress has the power to restrict the growth and manufacture of medical marijuana for personal uses since it has an impact on interstate commerce. The Constitution provides Congress with the power to enact legislation to regulate practices that affect interstate commerce (commerce among the many states). In general, Congress does not have the power to regulate commerce in a purely local sense...meaning that the individual States have the power regulate commerce within their own borders. Once something crosses a state line, however, Congress may step in (it's not that simple, but you get my drift). The Court reasoned that the federal government had an interest to regulate marijuana among the many states and in doing so the government may enact legislation intended to limit the effect of personal marijuana growth as it may have a substantial impact on interstate commerce. The primary interest that the government seeks to protect is to prevent the distribution of marijuana across state borders being that it's a Schedule I drug (maybe I have the classification wrong, but who cares) on the controlled substance list. Allowing many people to grow it in their own home would substantially affect the government's ability to regulate the distribution and use of marijuana.

Another interesting case that applies the same reasoning is an old case involving the production of wheat by individual farmers. Back in the day, Congress sought to limit the wheat production to keep the price of wheat from dwindling away. In doing so, Congress imposed limits on the amount of wheat an individual farmer could produce. The farmer involved in the case produced more than his fair share. He claimed that the additional wheat was for private consumption and to be used for seeding next year's crop in addition to a few other uses. The Supreme Court held that Congress had a right to regulate his additional growth of wheat for several reasons. One of the reasons was that his private consumption stash would need to be bought in commerce if he wasn't growing it.

I think the reasoning in the marijuana case is well-founded. Maybe I'm biased because I think pot-heads should find another past-time. On the other hand, I think the holding in the second case is a crock-of-b.s. I understand the reasoning, but why shouldn't a farmer be able to grow additional crops for home consumption and seeding for next year's crop?
Why should he have to purchase something that is completely legal and grown on his own land? In what other profession would one compare the production of marijuana to the production of wheat? I don't know much about wheat, but last time I checked, no one was smoking it at Woodstock.

Words that start with the letter "B" (non-profane that is)

2008-10-13T21:36:00.002-05:00

At last...I'm back. Aren't you so excited? I am. I would make excuses for the lack of posting, but it's the same ole b.s. excuses that everyone comes up with. You know...beers, brauds, bratwursts, books, and...oh yeah, interviews. Let's just blame it on the interviews. The interview season is sort of slow. It's a long, pain-staking process in which I am still awaiting that crazy 7 figure offer to come along. Unfortunately, I don't see much hope in that, but what would life be if we couldn't dream? Some people believe in heroes, but I think believers-in-heroes are pansies that can't achieve their own goals. That's why I look to dreams. If you can't dream it, then how in the hell will you ever achieve it?<--Sorry for going off tangent a bit, but take my advice and wisdom while it's still free.

Back to the issue at hand (isn't that the introductory line to Snoop Dogg's verse in the Dre Day song?)...now that interviews are pretty much over, it's time to buckle down and get focused on my preparation for finals. I only have 1.5 months left until it's time to enter hibernation-mode (not the same as turbo-mode for those of you familiar with the various modes) at the library. Since I finally remembered to post something this evening, maybe I'll continue to do so.

One for the road

2008-10-13T07:53:00.001-05:00

People keep whining, so I guess I'll start posting...tonight that is.

Double D's

2008-09-15T17:21:00.002-05:00

Oh how I love law school more and more everyday. Even more is my appreciation for intellectual property cases. I thought Torts was cool. IP law trumps it hands down. Ranging from Old Glory Condom Co. to Big Pecker Brand t-shirts to Pussycat Cinema, this single area of law has more porno references than the internet could ever dream about delivering to your computer screen. As I was reading this trademark infringement case concerning Jeff Foxworthy and his "You might be a redneck if..." phrase, I stumbled across a reference to a Debbie Does Dallas case (you know the classic porno title...don't act like you've never heard of it). Go watch it if you don't know what I'm talking about. Just make sure you put the kids to bed first.

In the Pussycat Cinema case, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders sued the makers of the Debbie Does Dallas film for trademark infringement. The Cheerleaders sought to enjoin the filmmaker from selling any copies of the film. The lower court issued a preliminary injunction which was affirmed by the appellate court preventing the distribution of the film. This was only a preliminary injunction until the merits of the case could be decided. Specifically at issue was whether the outfits worn in the flick would confuse the viewer into associating the porn star with members of the Cheerleading squad. The Cheerleaders claimed injuries of possible irreparable harm if the film was allowed to be distributed.

I'm not sure how the merits were ultimately decided, but I'm assuming the porno company eventually won. After all, the film is quite famous. It wouldn't have achieved such status without distribution.

See, isn't law school exciting. While some people are solving math problems, judges and attorneys are viewing porno flicks to settle infringement issues. Now tell me who has the more exciting job.

Priorities first

2008-09-12T08:27:00.003-05:00

It's been a week or so since the last post, but I've been really busy making up work due to missed classes caused by Mr. Gustav and his unwelcomed visit to the Gulf Coast. In addition to all of the catching up, I've had to prepare for my three interviews this week with various law firms. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be posting anything this morning. However, I just got notification that classes for today have been cancelled due to the winds and flooding being caused by Ike. The hurricane isn't hitting here but it is causing a lot of wind and rain. And we all know it only takes three drunk guys taking a leak in the street to flood the whole city. Of course they wait for me to get to school to tell me that classes are cancelled, but it is what it is. Normally, I'd jump for joy and go grab a beer; but it's only 8:30 a.m. (not that the bars aren't open) and I have an interview later this afternoon. So, I guess I'll stay at school until my interview. Maybe I'll apply for more jobs. Speaking of jobs...during one of my interviews, an attorney asked me what I liked to do for fun in my spare time. I named several things and then I asked what kind of activities they do with their summer associates. He said, "Well, we do various things such as attend sporting events, cocktail parties...and of course sometimes we just hang around the office and drink." Anyone who says that these people in this profession don't have things figured out is full of crap. They know priorities.

A little humor to weather the storm

2008-09-04T14:37:00.002-05:00

Well, the house is still standing and obviously no flooding; or so I assume. I haven't been back yet, so I may still be in for a surprise. I didn't have to use the inner-tube which is unfortunate since I think it would have been fun. The plan was to float through Calliope and say "yo" to my homey Master P, but the water level wasn't fitting for the occasion. At least I won't be living at the Homeless Hilton...although I must say it was sounding kind of exciting. In anticipation of making the Homeless Hilton my new home, it was suggested by a friend that I use pocket change to claim dibs on the top slab. I chose to evacuate instead. It was basically a week off from school, nothing more, nothing less. The painful part was the hit to the pocket. A waste of money and time. I could go on and on but I better stall my humor before getting too personal and offensive to others. Not that I really care, but I'm in a cheerful mood and would like to extend my cheerfulness to others. So take it while you can.

Wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish

2008-08-27T17:18:00.000-05:00

Normally I would discuss law school, but today we're going to diverge from such discussions. Apparently there is the threat of this latest hurricane hitting New Orleans. Most people say, "Ah, not again." I say, "Where in the heck is the party? And how many days will I get off from school due to this?" Think about the priorities, people. I'll be optimistic and pray that I won't have to swim home. I'm not worried about flooding, I'm on the second floor. I'm worried about the thugs coming to jack my things. I guess I'll pack everything including my tv. The evacuation notice hasn't been issued yet, but we're supposed to get one by Friday if the storm is still coming this way. Maybe I'll engineer some mickey-moused device to catch live footage as the storm rolls through. Don't get your hopes up though...I may be an engineer (or better yet, a washed-up-has-been engineer), but I have problems getting my stupid cell phone to function the way I want; much less a battery-operated live feed.

Now...time to attend free pint glass night...gotta go.

The buffet

2008-08-25T15:16:00.002-05:00

I haven't really read any interesting cases as of late...at least not in the comical sense. So I have no amusing commentary regarding random case law. Most of the crap that I've been reading involves Constitutional law and other random crap like that. I've been reading several 2nd Amendment cases regarding who has the right to bear arms and whether the state or federal governments can restrict that right. And if so, to what extent. The cases seem interesting but most of it boils down to a battle between the NRA and Mothers Against Guns and Beer. Until I stumble across some interesting topics worthy of my analysis, I'll just ramble on about some other kind of nonsense related to law school.

Take for instance, the meter maids. They stroll around the city equipped with their ticket pads and chalk with the untouchable dream of possibly becoming a real cop one day. These ladies are 350 lbs of pure KFC crispy fried chicken. Now that doesn't mean that they can't whip your tail in a wrestling match; it just means they can't beat you in a 100 yard dash. I wouldn't screw with them if I were you. They mark your vehicle and waddle back two hours later to laugh, giggle, fart, and then write you a ticket. It's the ideal job if you think about it...okay so maybe not. Why should I be able to make fun of them? I don't even have a job anymore.

Can I have another?

2008-08-22T13:00:00.002-05:00

Tonight is free beer. Yum! Once again, the SBA has rented a 3 hour block at one of the local bars. I guess I know where I'll be heading tonight. Splish, splash, my thirst is ready to take a bath...in suds.

The first week of classes for the 2L year is over. That calls for celebration. Like we really need justification...

Snoozing is a loozing

2008-08-21T22:46:00.004-05:00

It absolutely annoys the piss out of me when my wonderful plans of getting some much needed sleep go right down the shit tube. Every day this week has been a long day and an even longer evening. Of course last night was my fault since we wandered down the road grab a few beers and a cheeseburger (as you can tell I'm trying watch that carb intake). The plan for today was as follows: Go to class, get some grub, finish my reading for tomorrow, and then finish applying for jobs for next summer. The first two goals were a piece of cake. The reading...well that's a long story...we'll get back to that in a second. Now about those jobs...

Midnight tonight is the deadline for applying for upcoming on-campus interviews for summer jobs next year (yes I said next year). To increase my chances of getting selected for interviews with each firm, I decided to write cover letters for each and every one of them (and no it's not as simple as copy-and-paste). I applied for interviews with 18 different firms. Cover letters aren't required (some recommend them), but I thought...what the hell, it can't hurt. That started...let's say...oh...6ish...and I'm just now finishing at 10:30ish. There goes my plans for some much needed shut-eye. Back to the studying...

We have this new case handed down this year by the Supreme Court that we're supposed to read for Con Law. It's an 86 page opinion. Oh, how wonderful that crap is! Then, today I get this email from my professor that made me happy:

Dear class: The 2008 supplement for our case book is now available in our bookstore. The case that everyone is complaining about having to read is excerpted in the supplement. The excerpted version is all you need to read. It's much shorter.

Well guess what. She was wrong. The bookstore didn't have it in yet. Go figure. So before going to bed I have 86 pages of hell to read and then another 15 pages for another class. Being that it's 11 p.m. now, I guess I better get started. Why oh why can I not just catch some ZzzZzz's?

Public Service Announcement

2008-08-20T14:22:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, of course, is free pint glass night with the purchase of a beer. Now, let's analyze this for a moment. I no longer have a steady flow of income, so how might I justify a trip to the bar. Easy enough...I need new glassware. Putting aside the fact that I've already collected so many of these glasses that I can't fit any more in the cupboard, who can pass up free crap? Especially when that free crap comes from the bar. If it's free and it comes from the bar, then it's one of three things: a glass (shot or pint), an actual beer, or some random chick's phone number (in which sense, you may want to await sobriety until accepting the free item coming from the bar). All in all, most bar toys are useful for one reason or another.

Now that I've adequately justified my attendance at free pint glass night, I need to get my studying finished for tomorrow's classes.

I propose to you Earth - Please extend my day to 28 hours

2008-08-20T00:31:00.004-05:00

Okay, so apparently this full-time school gig is more time consuming than I initially thought. Last night I was up until about 3:30 in the morning trying to finish up homework and tonight...well it's past midnight and I still have a few more pages to read. It's not that the additional two classes are that much more of a pain in the ass. It's mainly due to the work needed to prepare for upcoming on-campus interviews. In addition, I have a commitment to a law journal that has to be taken care of.

A little info on my classes this semester...For professors: I have a liberal environmental crazy (but at least she's cool), I have a computer geek (hey, I can relate), I have a rather normal guy (it's odd to not be able to tag him with some special marking), I have a ball buster, I have a crazy priest that walks home after class with some hip headphones and a wad of chew in his mouth (go figure...it's a Catholic school), and last but not least I have a complete whack. If nothing else, I have a rather diverse group of characters. It should be interesting.

Smaller families, or the lack thereof

2008-08-19T01:37:00.004-05:00

Day one of the new semester went smooth. Although, I'm not quite sure what in the hell I'm going to do with all this free time now that I don't have a job. Sure I can study all day, but then what should I do at night? I can't go bar-hopping every night because I no longer have the cash to support that kind of entertainment. I feel lost. I feel like something from my daily routine is missing. Fortunately, today (and tonight for that matter) I had enough crap to read for tomorrow's classes to keep me busy. After all, it is nearly 2 a.m. and I haven't made it to bed yet. On a lighter note, the scenery in the day program is much more pleasing to the eyes than was the evening program. The evening program consisted of a large number of working professionals. Therefore, most of the girls were out of their prime and/or had 12 children each with up to, but not excluding the possibility of more than, 4 previous marriages. The day program...not so much baggage. The majority here are still in their prime and some haven't even reached that stage. Luckily this is law school and not my freshman year of undergrad. If it were the latter, it would be like a 65 year old pedophile watching the Chinese gymnastics team compete in the Olympics. I make it sound like it's a pool of minnows, but in reality I'm probably no where near the oldest one in any of my classes. With that said, I'm definitely not the youngest either.

F no longer equals m*a. Didn't Einstein warn you?

2008-08-17T15:50:00.003-05:00

Luckily for me, the homeless hilton accepts applications using a rolling admissions process. I'm now a jobless smuck. I'm going to purchase a tent and live out of trash bags for awhile. It's time to go full-time with school and live on student loans for a couple years. I wonder if any of the neighborhood pubs accept food stamps or WIC for the purchase of beer. My 2L year begins tomorrow bright and early with Constitutional Law. The engineering gig is now a thing of the past. Sometimes I think to myself, "What do I really want to be when I finally grow up?" This law profession idea better work out the way I expect it to. Otherwise, I may still be searching for a profession when I start collecting social security checks. That would be a disaster.

Bubba's turn

2008-08-05T20:46:00.004-05:00

Alright, so I'm busy writing this paper about a recent case handed down by the Supreme Court. It basically mandates that State laws allowing the death penalty for non-homicidal crimes (specifically child rape) are unconstitutional under the 8th Amendment. Putting all morals aside, not that mine reach a very high standard to begin with, why not allow capital punishment for heinous crimes such as child rape? The Court reasoned that these crimes are not of the same degree as murder. The Court held that if no death occurred and there was no intent to cause death, then the death penalty is unconstitutional. I say, whack his ass. Who cares? He's not getting out of prison anyhow. Hell, he should be praying for a lethal dose of sleepy juice. Once he gets to prison he's going to quickly learn how it feels to be violated. I watch the Discovery channel and I know those folks in Cell Block D don't appreciate crimes towards women and children. They'll see to it that he clearly understands the severity of his crime. I would let the suspect choose his poison: lethal injection or the affectionate attention of the Aryian Brotherhood, Bloods, Crips, and Mexican Mafia. If he chose the latter, then I'd give him the death penalty anyway. Prisons are overcrowded. The colonial day method, town hangings, was a much better deterrent against violent crimes.

Lethal injection would actually serve as a favor. I would think that one would like to leave this place with his manhood still intact. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is some secret fetish he's been hiding all these years.

The deficit

2008-07-31T20:16:00.002-05:00

The official notice is in and now it's only a matter of weeks before I wholly abandon the engineering profession to devote my soul to the devil of law. It's one of those difficult decisions that just had to be made. I'll actually miss writing code all day and hanging out with computer savvy people. Instead, I'm moving to a field filled with computer incompetents. Some people don't realize that there is more to a computer than Microsoft Word and pornography. The law profession is composed of such people. Starting this Fall, I'm making the shift to the full-time program so that I can graduate a year sooner than if I had stayed part-time. I look at it this way: one year closer to owning a yacht. I've never really left a job before (other than those stupid high school jobs) and I've definitely never changed professions. I thought I was bred to be an engineer, but the law has grabbed me by the jewels and yanked me over to the dark side...such a sad moment in history. My primary concern is money. As of right now, I don't pay attention to the money I spend. Without a steady flow of income, an important ingredient in my diet may be disturbed. Will I have to switch to cheap beer again? Nah, I'll budget accordingly.

Patience is a virtue

2008-07-30T17:32:00.003-05:00

Prior to law school, every book you buy, every attorney you talk to, and every law related link you stumble across all make mention about how law school changes the way you think. At first I thought it was just another method of making law school sound so much tougher than it actually is. After glancing back over the last year, I've realized that this is definitely a true statement. Everything that I read or hear gets analyzed to the most minute detail possible. Is it a bad thing? Yes and no. It tends to get me in trouble when it comes to bitchy women, but at the same time it drives the stupid ones away. Win-Win situation I guess. I've always been critical, and for that matter cynical, of certain things that I read. Some people piss me off more now than they used to and others piss me off less than they used to. I guess it's one of those tit for tat (whatever that phrase is) sort of things. It's hard to read something without saying, "Wow, the idiot that wrote this document didn't have much more than a 3rd grade education." I find myself constantly biting my tongue a lot and doing my best to refrain from throwing foreign objects at random people.

Let me give you an example. Today I was filling out a financial aid form for next year. It's a computerized form that is adaptive to your answers (you know...where if you answer one question in the negative, then there's no need to answer the next three questions...sort of thing). So if you answer "no" to "Do you have kids?", then there is really no need to answer the "Do they depend on you?" question. One thing that just threw me into a sea of frustration was the question, "How many people live in your household?" and then the subsequent question of "How many of those will be enrolled in school?" My answer to the first was "1". Since the very first question before entering personal information was "Are you applying for Financial Aid on behalf of someone else or yourself?" and my response was "ME", presumably one would logically conclude that putting the two together there would be no need to answer the enrollment question. Then again, this is a government form...enough said. Thankfully, I refrained from the further action of tossing the mouse at the monitor. I think I've actually learned to be more patient while in law school.

French fries and the reproduction of mammals

2008-07-28T00:23:00.004-05:00

This isn't relevant to law school, but it's sort relevant to the law...kind of...with a stretch of the imagination.

California recently banned the use of trans fat in restaurants. I think this is counter-productive and slaps other California laws smack-dab in the face.

First is my view, why not promote unhealthiness? If I want to be fat, let me be fat dammit! If I want to bitch and moan about being fat, then slap me in the face, kick me in the junk, feed me another cheeseburger, and pray that obesity takes its toll on me. So what if part of the population dwindles due to obesity. This world is full of too many morons anyway. Promoting unhealthiness is an effective means for reducing the population. I disagree with this new law.

California is one of twelve states (maybe more, maybe less, who cares...it's the minority) that allow medical use of marijuana. I'm no Albert Einstein, nor am I a pot smoking hippie, nor do I condone pot smoking hippie activity...but I thought chiefing doobies made you hungry for that quick fixing of trans fat. Promoting one and banning the other makes no sense to me. Going back to my view about unhealthiness, maybe we should require medical marijuana prescriptions to come with trans fat pills. Once again, it's all about reducing the world population. After all, it's the hippies in California whining about global warming. The way I see it is that this reduces the number of people contributing to the crisis.

Next is gay marriage. I'm not bashing gays, so don't get your panties in a wad and call me an inconsiderate homophobic punk...I'm just about to make rough statement (so get over it). Now, I understand that traditional male-female relationships can create some nasty consequences too, when not taking precautions; namely, HIV, warts, fleas, retarded children, and the like. Promoting gay marriage is just an additional avenue to increase the likelihood of venereal diseases. Once again, it is another effective means to help reduce the population at a quicker rate; and if that's the case then I understand completely. However, California claims that the new trans fat law is to promote healthiness. That's a crock of ****. <---Oops Mom, I just said another bad word. If healthiness was the goal, then California wouldn't be promoting another method of obtaining diseases.

That's just another inside look into the way my complicated (yet must I say, so damn intelligent) brain operates.

Vegas Brothels

2008-07-24T00:14:00.003-05:00

Okay. One final down and one to go. That should wrap up the summer. I studied less for tonight's final than I have for any yet so far. However, I feel like I did the best that I've done so far. We'll see when the grade comes in. This class was boring because it dealt with dead people and those chumps that fight over the change. At the same time, the hypotheticals on the test were pretty cool. It was all about concubines (for those not in the know, whores that you sleep with outside the marriage...classic), bastard children, and illegitimates. Now comes the tough final. 4th, 5th, 6th, and 14th Amendment crap. Next week will wrap up a complete year. I'm less than years shy of calling myself an official attorney...provided that I pass the bar exam. No more 1L...no longer a N00b.

Turning pages

2008-06-29T23:07:00.003-05:00

Alright. So I haven't really discussed much about law school this summer. Let me fill you in. 4 weeks have passed since the start of the semester. Usually that means many more weeks to come. However, this is the summer. Thank goodness for short summer semesters. Only 3 more weeks and then its time for finals...again. That means study, study, study while putting the rest of life on the back burner. I can't wait to get done with this crap and start making some cash to pay off all those student loans that I'm racking up.

This semester isn't too bad. The classes involve a lot of work (go figure) but they're not all that difficult...of course I haven't taken the exams yet. I'm learning about death and who gets what. I've been reading lots of boring cases about old people and those damn kids that fight over the bank. The other class is primarily the 4th Amendment involving suppression of evidence and what the police can and cannot do...stupid criminals that hire good attorneys. A few more weeks of pain and then I'll be two classes closer to graduation. Of course I still have about 20 or so more to go.

One of those commandments

2008-06-25T20:51:00.003-05:00

Okay, okay, okay...no more bitching. I've returned from the blog vacation, or so that's what it seems like. You'll get your fix now that I have enough crap to talk about again. It got to where I had to pull crap out of my crack just to come up with something to say. So now, I'm refreshed, locked, loaded, and ready to blog. I make no promises, however. I have some interesting thoughts to share as well as some more random law school crap that has occurred over the summer. I'm bogged down at the moment. Not enough time for work. Not enough time for school. I have work, school, the patent bar to study for, and last but not least...a friggin' law review thing due by the first week of August.

My life currently == m4j0r sux0rs at the moment. Well not really. Actually most things are going great. Good times, good times. If I can just dump school and my job and go straight to the yacht phase of my life...then I'd be kickin'. But I can't.

What to discuss? Oh I got it! This evening (before dark of course...you'll know why I added the daylight comment later) I went with a friend to pick up something from one of his construction projects that he's in charge of. Well this place was smack dab in the middle of the hood. I felt like I was in a Master P video. The only two light skinned dudes in a mile radius. Perfect. I asked by friend, "Dude this doesn't look like a very safe place." He said, "Oh, it's not. People get shot here just about every day." I thought, "Oh great." As I'm leaving (and of course residents are trying to figure out why we're in their neck of the woods), I notice a school yard. In the middle of the school yard, there was a sign (and this is no joke) that said in big bold letters "Thou shall not kill." Whatever fears I had just went right out of the damn window. Get me out of this place. It is my intention get a picture of that sign to post for your pleasure. You'll enjoy. Ta ta for now.

Random quotes from my new class

2008-06-05T00:13:00.002-05:00

First is the quote from outside of class:
"If you come across an older lady that has one foot on a banana peel and the other in the grave, then tell her I'm available." -- Random old guy at the bar.

"Why should you get married? Yes for love and compassion, but more importantly: money." -- Professor (a middle-aged lady) that is teaching us about inheritance.

"People will expect you to know this as an attorney. You'll be at a cocktail party and someone will ask a question. So, you should know this." -- Same prof. - In reference to something that is important to know.

"Death and taxes...everyone has them. This class is the death part." -- Same prof.

"Do you exist if you're not yet born? Yes, Dad may die while you're still in the freezer." -- Same prof. in reference to being born from frozen sperm.

"In this state, you have to live 6 months apart before getting a divorce. What if he kicks the bucket 3 months into the separation? Guess what ladies, you win the prize money." -- Same prof.

Turning the page

2008-06-02T20:54:00.002-05:00

It's the start of a new chapter and I haven't even received all of my grades from the previous semester yet. A new beginning, a fresh start if you will. The beginning of the semester is always so much easier than the pressures at the end. Of the two courses, both professors seem to be pretty cool. That's a plus. However, I am not looking forward to the massive reading assignments again. Time to get reading...

Long time, no blog

2008-05-31T15:07:00.002-05:00

I've been taking a vacation from anything that reminds me of law school, so therefore the blog has been abandoned for the last month. But I'm back in full swing. I've decided to take a couple of summer classes that start Monday. I'm am so not ready to do this crap again. I was enjoying my frosty beverages without the stress of law school. That short little vacation has now come to an end. I did some random crap over the break that was sort of entertaining...such as touring whiskey distilleries, being stared at profusely by the crowd of a random redneck bar where everyone was missing at least 6 teeth (including the women), and of course my first Indy 500 experience. Unfortunately, it's about that time to cut back on the excitement and devote a little time to this whole thing they call law school. It's a total waste of time now, but they claim we will reap the benefits when we're finished. I suppose they may be correct.

Top 5...actually just the first that came to mind

2008-05-05T23:21:00.002-05:00

I'm bored. So let me share the boredom.

Why I shouldn't have chosen law school...

1) The title of the blog is enough of an explanation.
2) I could have been working full time, making decent money. I would be several years closer to paying off my house that I gave up to go to law school. Instead, I'm now working less than full time and incurring debt that the current income is unable to offset. In addition, I'm renting a crappy shack.
3) I already established a career and now I'm just distancing myself further from retirement.
4) The law school stress is likely to reduce the life expectancy.
5) By the time I graduate, I could be called Doctor instead of Esquire. Doctor just has that special ring to it.

Why law school was the proper decision...

1) Much more money in the long run...provided that I make the grades.
2) One day I will have a yacht.
3) Long hours, but plenty of beer.
4) One step closer to holding a public office.
5) Cases are generally more interesting than codifying mathematical solutions.

More Jibberish

2008-05-02T00:00:00.003-05:00

Year one is officially in the books. Of course it would be much better had this been the final year, but I'll take what I can get. I'm off to get some much needed shut-eye, so I'll get around to sharing my knowledge (or lack of) when I'm fully rested. I feel like something is missing. Like maybe I should be studying. Or grabbing a beer. Or getting back to my normal life. Ah, it's good to have some free time.

Spewing Champagne

2008-04-30T01:37:00.002-05:00

My last final is about 14 hours away. I'm prepared. I mainly just want to get this crap over with so I can officially say, "I'm no longer a 1L." The last exam is in Property. Property is sort of boring. There aren't many great hypotheticals that I could construct to strike your funny bone. So I won't even attempt. When exams are through, I will provide some sort of summary or "look-back" of the past year including how law school has changed the way I think and view the world...even more pessimistic than previously (is that possible?). I must say, the journey through the first year has been exciting, fun, stressful, stressful, stressful x 4, and full of beer.

Bling bling

2008-04-28T00:44:00.005-05:00

I'm coming down of my stress high like those meth heads do when they run out of goods. Just a couple more days and year one will officially be in the books. Once I make it through Contracts II and Property II, I'm home free. My Contracts final is Monday night. Not much time to be chit-chatty, so I'll leave you with my favorite Contracts hypothetical...

George and Phyllis get engaged to be married. George gives Phyllis an engagement ring. Phyllis becomes a hooker and decides its more fun to spread the love. George is obviously distraught. He becomes a trucker and does just the same as Phyllis. He spreads his love. In the meantime, George requests the ring back from Phyllis. She refuses to give it back. George brings suit to recover the ring. Will he be successful?

If I'm his attorney, of course he will. Without discussing the details, Phyllis has been unjustly enriched. George will be successful.

Tortsie

2008-04-25T04:02:00.003-05:00

One exam down. Two to go...Next week that is. The stress reached its boiling point prior to the final. However, I felt that I did pretty well. I don't feel quite as comfortable as last semester's Tort exam, but this was a lot different. Let's just pray that everyone was in the same boat. After discussing the exam with others, I feel confident that I managed my game well. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. The weekend is mine. Back to studying.

Caffeine...a kids best friend

2008-04-24T04:48:00.003-05:00

Well, it's go time. It's about 5 in the morning, so I guess I'll quit studying for the "night". This first exam is 13 hours away. I think I'm prepared, but you never really know. I'll try to rise around noonish to dust away any doubts in a few areas of Tort law that I may have. Due to the nature of having so many different rules for the various jurisdictions (unlike Torts I when most of the rules were bright-line), half the test is essay and then 35 multiple choice questions. It's not like most multiple choice exams though. He stated that nearly every possible choice will likely be correct. It is our duty to determine the best answer. What cock-weasel, eh?

Brief quotes

2008-04-23T02:40:00.002-05:00

Some good quotes I've come across in my Torts notes...Man, I'll miss having this dude as a professor.

"Going after multiple defendants in search of a deep pocket is like hunting a mouse with a missile launcher. You're bound to get something."

"A thousand angels dancing on the head of a pen. Too much is too much."

"Having a solvent defendant (due to bankruptcy, etc.) is like calling someone names that is never going to hear it."

"You're a cartoon. (discussing those annoying Law & Order attorneys)"

"Statutes of limitations are sometimes tolled to prevent the Defendant from saying 'Na na na na na, you can't sue."

"Under joint and several liability, when one of the Defendants cannot pay, the rest get screwed and have to make up the difference."

In response to a students question regarding the use of a calculator on the exam, "Do you really need a calculator to determine damages resulting from percentages of round figures such as $100?"

"Contrary to the real world, ferrets are considered wild animals in Tort law. Therefore, the owner of a pit-bull will less likely be held liable than the owner of a ferret...owners of wild animals are held to a higher standard of care."

Regarding products liability and the unreasonable misuse of the product, "You can't sue the maker of a law mower if you decide to trim the hedges with it."

"Regulating Tort law is like doing brain surgery with a broad sword. What good is Tort law in deterring when you have regulations that deter from the get-go?"

Update

2008-04-22T01:02:00.002-05:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'm still busting my balls studying. I feel like a slave to the law, or at least to the practice of it. I don't have time to put much thought into this post since my energy is running on "E" at the moment and I think I'm about to crash for the night. Two more days remain until those treacherous law school exams are smacking me in the face again. Like I've mentioned before, I sort of feed off of this stress. Call me a tool, but I enjoy this crap. I'll leave with the mention of a funny case that I just reviewed, involving a supposed design defect.

Some dude dove off the roof of a neighbor's house into an above-ground pool with a water depth of 4 feet. Call me not-so-adventurous, but this sounds like a complete idiot. Anyway, he obviously suffered severe head injuries and sought to sue the manufacturer of the pool. He claimed that the pool's floor liner design was defective since it consisted of slippery vinyl. He claimed the vinyl caused his arms to spread at impact with the floor and therefore contributed significantly to his head injuries. The manufacturer claimed that the design was actually a safety measure by which it prevents a direct impact with the floor in allowing the body to slide to avoid serious head injuries. Basically, the court remanded the case for a new trial to determine the risk versus the utility of such pools...so-to-speak.

Ding ding

2008-04-18T00:43:00.003-05:00

My first final is less than a week away. The stress level hasn't reached the level it did last semester, but it's definitely on the rise. Starting tomorrow you'll find me buried in a cubby hole in the far corner of the library. It's buckle down time, kids. I'm going to get my ears lowered tomorrow for good luck...and better aerodynamics for the trek back to the vehicle late at night.<--Gotta find some sort of advantage over these thugs roaming this city looking for some keys and wallets to jack. Wish me luck. Finals: Round 2.

Creamy

2008-04-14T11:26:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile. I actually forgot that I had a blog. It completely escaped my mind...total brain fart. I guess that's because I've been preparing my outlines for finals. I pretty much only have one more outline to finish before shacking up in the library stacks and studying, studying, studying. My first final is next Thursday (the 24th). It is now that I enter a two week hibernation. It all boils down to pulling out that top ranking. Le creme de la creme. That's what I intend to be.

Lack of an update

2008-04-07T23:35:00.003-05:00

I'm currently preparing my outlines in preparation for finals. There are a lot more rules covered this semester compared to last. Therefore, it's much more of pain. I'll provide some sort of random humorous update once I have my outlines complete. Until then, share my boredom and pain.

I would like to share my views on the Barrister's Ball with you though. Barrister's Ball is the law school version of prom. It's basically the same. However, everyone is legal to drink and the drinks are free. Combine that with food and live music; and that's what you get. The law school version is obviously more exciting. After all, law school trains you to party and live like a rock star. It goes back to that whole "Live like a lawyer" thing. Lots of stress, but never a dull moment.

Being called on

2008-04-02T22:39:00.002-05:00

This semester has been more of pain in the butt when it comes to preparation for class. In addition to the lack of available time to prepare for each class due to Moot Court, we've been responsible for a larger load of material. Law school is a lot of reading. Some classes comb through nearly 1000 pages of material in one semester. Others have less. Each case that is read needs to analyzed and briefed for class. Believe me...after witnessing the brutal verbal attacks on students who come unprepared, I took an oath not to allow myself to fall into that trap. In Torts, I've been called on 4 times. Some people haven't been called on at all. The Torts professor uses a method of drawing names from a shuffled stack of cards. Last time that I got called on he said, "Your name comes up often." My quit-witted response was, "It must be the way you shuffle." Fortunately, he's failed to catch me off-guard. I guess it's a matter of being fully prepared. My grades are a clear indication of my dedication, but on the flip side my social life has taken a beating. I keep telling myself, "One day I'll be able to enjoy a beer without worrying about how much material I have to read before the next day of class." Maybe I'm a total dork, but I sort of enjoy the intense pressure of law school. It keeps me on my toes.

A pro-bono opportunity

2008-03-31T22:38:00.003-05:00

So let me tell you about my close encounter with the thug kind...

I was busy discussing school related stuff with a couple of fellow class mates after class last week. The law school was totally empty. As I was leaving out the front door of the law school, I headed for the steps. As I got to the bottom of the steps, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a thuggish looking punk within a few feet from me. Something in my mind said "Whoa?! This dude doesn't go to school here. I better wait a few minutes before walking to the truck." After noticing that I was the only student within sight, I headed back up the steps back towards the door. Then, Fubu-boy, decked out in his bling-bling with gold teeth, mumbled something under his breath as he brushed by.

He said, "Yo, I know you's folks got some records up there in the library."
I said, "Huh?"
He said, "Man I just got outta jail and I'm looking for my Mom's. I bet you can tell me where she lives."
I said, "Ummm. Nah dude, don't know what you're talking about."
He said, "Man, you ain't gotta be scared that I'm gonna rob you just cause I'm black. I wasn't in jail for nothing important. I just used to sell drugs. You know...stupid things like that. I ain't stupid. I know you got security out here looking out. I ain't packing no heat. I just want some help."
I said, "Well, I can't help ya."
He said, "Come here man. I just need some change. I don't have nothing after getting out of jail."

So I turned around and just walked inside. He mumbled a few other things after repeated failed attempts of conning me out of some change. I found a ride to my truck just in case he was hiding somewhere in the bushes waiting for me to walk by. So here is my analysis. Someone that tells you right up front that they need help because they just got out of jail is probably up to no good. Especially in a city where muggings occur on an hourly basis. And then to go on to say that you aren't packing heat? They didn't grant me admission to law school for being a retard. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what the hell that guy was about to do. Luckily his balls didn't hang low enough for him to be willing to follow me into the school.

Got any change?

2008-03-27T23:24:00.002-05:00

Alright, so I'm in the process of developing my oral argument before reciting it endlessly in hope of not crashing and burning like a complete idiot. The argument is Saturday morning. After that, Moot Court is a thing of the past. Following a long afternoon at the bar in celebration of having no more Moot Court crap, it'll be time to polish up my outlines in preparation for final exams. It feels like it was just a few weeks ago when I started this whole law school adventure. Now the first year is less than a month away from completion. Oh yeah, I almost got robbed (or at least I have pretty good reason to think that was the case) coming out of class a couple of nights ago. I'll fill you in when I have more time.

May it please the court...

2008-03-25T22:44:00.003-05:00

Since turning in the brief last week, it's been sort of lazy-go. I'm out of energy and I don't feel like doing crap. My drive for this semester has been expended. Hopefully I'll find a way to tap into the reserve to push through for one more month. My final oral argument is Saturday morning. Yeah, I know...Saturday. Sucks, eh? I could protest the scheduling of the argument, but it's probably not the brightest idea being that they're the ones providing the final grade. Luckily, all of the content for the oral argument is fresh on my mind from writing the brief. However, they found a way to toss up a curve ball. For the brief, I was assigned to argue on behalf of the appellant. Now, with a week to spare I'm forced to turn it around and argue for the appellee. There goes an entire semester's worth of research for my client. There's not enough time to research additional cases in support of my new stance on the issue. Instead I must rely on my ability to exploit my weaknesses from my original argument. Sometimes law school is exciting. Sometimes it just sucks. Right now...it just sucks. Come Saturday around noon...I get to enjoy life for the weekend before buckling down in preparation for finals.

Done

2008-03-19T23:22:00.003-05:00

The brief is finally complete and turned in. Now, as I've mentioned before, this is law school. Objective #2 = Learn to drink like an attorney. Let me paint the picture for you...

Tuesday evening.
We had to professionally bind two copies of the brief and turn it in between 5:30 and 6:30. This was the only hour the "Clerk's Office" would be open. No early submissions, no late submissions. All 300 1L's lined up outside the room where the brief was to be filed. And of course, most people had been to the bar prior to standing in line. Once we walked into the room, the brief was stamped with the filing date/time. Then we proceeded through the door on the opposite side of the room where the Moot Court professors greeted us with law school beer huggies. I thought to myself, "Wait. Where's the beer?" After being congratulated on finishing the brief, several ice chests full of beer were waiting. Ah, perfect. Once the beer supply went dry, we gathered at a local pub that was reserved for our "Brief Relief" private party. More free beer...and food. Ah, perfect. I'm starting to see where my $30,000/year tuition is being spent. At least some of it's going to a good cause.

Green beer not for me

2008-03-16T18:39:00.002-05:00

Now that most of the St. Patty's day parades are over in the city, I can experience a sigh of relief. It's sickening to sit at a desk all weekend and watch people toting coolers of beer outside of my window. I'd like to partake in a few Irish specials, but unfortunately this damn brief that I'm working on is preventing me from doing so. This city is a non-stop party. That's the only problem with going to law school in this crazy city...well that and the daily muggings and shootings. I live in a prime spot for all of the entertainment that takes place here year round. Law school has become a burden. I should be living it up. Hell, I'm almost 30. Yet I chose to continue further in school. This is my 9th year in college. You can call me a professional student, but at least I already have 3 degrees under my belt and a job to go along with it. This better pay off in the long run, because it's irritating at the moment. Enough of my whining...back to writing that lame brief.

Brief work

2008-03-15T16:39:00.002-05:00

I'm currently busting my tail finishing this 50-page brief. I only have three days remaining until judgment day. I took it easy last night to relieve some of the stress before having to burrow in a hole to type up my brief. Last night I went to the bar with some non-law school friends to kick back and relax before stressing out over this brief. I limited myself to a few grade-A bottles of brain power brewski. I woke up this morning ready to kick it into high gear. 8 hours later and I've only pumped out ~5 pages today. What a lack of productiveness, eh? I still have about 15-20 pages to go, so let's hope my page rate increases a bit. Gotta keep this post short and get back to the brief. Will freedom be in my near future?

Approaching the deadline

2008-03-12T22:34:00.004-05:00

Moot Court is over except for the final brief and oral argument. I'll be busting my chops trying to pump out this brief over the weekend and then I'll be busy practicing the final argument for a week after submitting the brief. I'm glad it's almost over. I never thought I'd be so close to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. In true law school fashion, there is a party hosted by the law school following the submission of the brief. Free beer, food, and beer. It all goes back to that training like an attorney thing. If you're going to be lawyer, then you must be able to handle the pain and suffering of tipping back a few beers after a long day of work. See...the law profession has it's ups and downs.

Long time, no speak

2008-03-10T21:35:00.004-05:00

Remember how I mentioned that people in law school love to talk just to talk. Well, a few of us that sit near each other in class have started engaging in a few friendly wagers. One chick in class likes to talk a little too much. So we've implemented a little game. The person who can guess the time closest to the first time she opens her mouth in class wins. The prize only consists of pride at the moment, but there may be a few nickels and dimes tossed into the pot after a few dry runs. Another game in the works is Bingo. Each contestant chooses a select number of people that they believe will speak up in class. If all of your selections speak, you win the law school Bingo. I want to see if anyone has the balls to holler "Bingo" if they win. It's just a little something to pass the time. Our games may sound somewhat gay, but if you had to suffer through law school you'd find something to ease the tension too.

On the clock

2008-02-27T23:59:00.003-06:00

The good news is that Moot Court is over after one more month. The bad news is that the following month will be spent cuddling up with my law school material in the fetal position in hopes that my case books have an osmotic effect. It will be a month long period of catch-up going into final exams. You've seen the shirts saying, "If you can read this, put me back on the bar stool." In my case it's going to be, "If I'm on a bar stool, tell my grumpy ass to go back to the library." Our partner assignments for the final oral argument have finally been released. Although I would like to see my partner prevail against the other students, a stumble on her part may make my crappy presentation look that much better. After all, we're graded individually. I guess that's the competitiveness in me.

T's

2008-02-23T16:04:00.003-06:00

While I was out grabbing a bite to eat for lunch I noticed a guy wearing a shirt that said: "Make Love Not Law Review." The person who coined that phrase is a genius. Other than the fact that he probably ranked on the lower end of the totem pole. Nonetheless, that is a classic. After noticing the phrase, the lawyer in me started questioning the logic behind the phrase. Will making love land you a large firm job with a guaranteed six figure income? Well, I guess it might if you make love with the right person. Apparently there is some logic behind the phrase.

Wow, I must be bored. What kind of idiot would explore the logic of a phrase pasted on a t-shirt? Me.

Jibberish

2008-02-21T22:55:00.003-06:00

Wow! Only one more oral presentation left in Moot Court before our final oral argument in front of the panel of judges. I'm becoming more and more comfortable with public speaking but my skills are by no means bling, bling. The final argument is a month away and the 30-page brief is due in 3 weeks.-->I guess I better get working on that.

Since getting my jewels handed to me on a silver platter in Contracts, I've devised a scheme to prevent further mishaps. I've noticed that when the professor randomly calls on people from the seating chart, she'll say to the people that she has already heard from that day, "Oh, you've already said something. Let me find someone else who hasn't." So from now on my goal is to raise my hand to answer a question to prevent her from drilling me when she goes to the seating chart. It's all about strategy.

I was invited to a law firm social Monday evening for the Top 10% of the class. It was basically a networking opportunity to meet and greet the attorneys from a large firm here in town. The firm provided beer, wine, and food. They generally hire only those in the top 10% with law review and/or moot court experience. To land a job with such a firm I'll need to continue to produce the same quality of work. Fortunately, a few a my friends that I hang out with in law school are also in the top 10%. We went to the event in a group which made it much more relaxing...of course the beer helped as well.

Slacking

2008-02-19T23:33:00.003-06:00

I have too much to do to humor you with my thoughts and observations. You should be receiving some updates by the end of the week. For now, I figured I would let you know that I'm still alive and kicking. I've been researching cases and writing papers. Right now I'm working on drafting 15-20 pages discussing the First Amendment and its application to the disclosure of confidential communications. Last semester we had the sex-happy parties contracting various venereal diseases. This semester we have people who like to shoot innocent people (well sort of) and then discuss it with their psychiatrist. I must say that the folks who pull these ideas out of their rear end have quite the imagination.

Anyone need vaseline?

2008-02-13T22:21:00.004-06:00

And today was my turn with the beast. I got nailed in Contracts. I now know what its like being Bubba's playtoy. She got me. I was fully prepared in class, but when I got called on I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. She jumps around so much from thing to thing. I thought she was still discussing the case analysis but apparently she was discussing a particular article in the code. So she said, "Could you please list the exception to the rule in da da da da da?" I said, "um, you mean when the court held this...?" She said, "Are you not with me?" I said, "Apparently not." She said, "Well let me help you..." as she walked to where I was sitting. I was on the right page. So she pointed to the answer and said, "Read that!" So I read it. "And now in your own words..." So I explained. Then she left me alone. It could have been worse, but I still felt like a total dumbass. I was completely humiliated. Oh well, I'm just 1 of 20 that she's belittled so far.

It won't happen again.

Reserve tank

2008-02-12T20:58:00.003-06:00

This semester is 1/4 of the way through. Last semester my level of stress didn't reach the boiling point until a couple of weeks prior to finals. This semester is a different story. The stress reached its boiling point beginning with the first oral assignment this semester. That pot of stress has completely evaporated 3 times already...thank the lucky stars for beer. It refills the pot.

Digging for gold

2008-02-11T21:34:00.000-06:00

Our contracts professor is a tough cookie. Going to her class is like preparing to get pricked in the rear for a booster shot. You never know what to expect other than knowing it's going to be a real pain in the butt.-->like the analogy? I've been fortunate to not have been called on thus far, but the list of names is getting thinner and thinner. I'm due for humiliation. For most classes, the key is understanding the cases--the issues, rules applied, analysis, etc. In Contracts, however, you must be prepared to pull out some totally minute particle from a sea of water. It's not easy. Just when you think you got what she's looking for, you feel like a total incompetent freak. I must say that I am learning the material quite well, but that's mainly due to re-reading the cases 5 times in an attempt to dig up the not-so-obvious. This post has got to be cut short. I have to re-prepare for my Moot Court presentation tomorrow as well as polish up this paper that's due.

Madness...and it's not even March

2008-02-10T21:23:00.000-06:00

This weekend has really sucked. I took it upon myself to do diddly-squat for school work over the Mardi Gras weekend. Man oh man am I paying for it now. I spent all of friday night (til 12 a.m.), all of Saturday/Saturday night, and a few hours Sunday morning finishing up a paper. Not to mention, I'm still behind in my other courses. So, I've spent the remainder of today (Sunday) reading and briefing cases for my other classes. I'm almost caught back up, but I still have about 60 pages of Torts to read and brief before Tuesday. I'd be lying to you if I said I spent less than 25-30 hours doing school work during this weekend alone. The lesson learned is that whenever you're given a holiday break during law school, it's meant to be used as study time. I forgot...I am supposed to have no family now, no social life, no friends outside of law school, no time for rest, etc. I'm a slave to the study of law. This semester is starting to take a toll on me. Freedom o' freedom, where art thou?

Back to school

2008-02-07T21:31:00.000-06:00

My Mardi Gras break is finally over. It's back to reality. Tonight I was given a mulligan for our 4th oral exercise. The professor lectured too long before getting into the presentations, so I was fortunate that my turn didn't arrive before class was over. The bad thing is that now I have to re-prepare to do it next week. The good thing is that I have some extra time to prepare my presentation. Moot Court is eating away my free time. Presentation, paper, presentation, paper...it's a never ending process. On top of that I'm due to be called on in Torts. In addition, I have to keep on my toes for the Contracts professor that likes to rip us apart. Nothing much else has taken place, but I'll keep you informed. Quote of the day coming from the Moot Court professor:

"Don't bullshit the bullshitter!"--In response to someone quoting a particular page in the case file. If you're going to spit out a page reference, you better be correct because the professor will be sure to check.

Brownies

2008-01-30T23:27:00.000-06:00

Moot Court is only getting worse. Every written and oral exercise builds on the previous one. As soon as each assignment gets turned in, we're already behind in finishing the next assignment. It's leaving no time for the other courses and it's really starting to piss me off. It's beneficial. In just one month, I can see a world of difference in my ability to discuss the law orally. However, it sucks. It's just as bad as everyone says; maybe worse. We're provided with no direction and everyone is confused. The biggest problem that I have with the course is the manner in which the professors give tips to those that go visit every day during office hours. The group of us that have jobs don't have this luxury. It's really a huge disadvantage and in my mind quite unfair. I've always had a grudge against brown nosers. It is my belief that these idiots won't be able to hack it when they get out into the real world. There comes a point when you just need to figure out crap yourself. If you can't finish the assignments on your own now, how in the heck are you going to perform well in actual practice? I could keep going on and on but it really does no good. So I'll just shut up and get back to my studies.

Tis the season...

2008-01-28T22:13:00.001-06:00

I survived another lecture somehow managing to avoid humiliation in class. Tomorrow I have a 3-5 page paper due in Moot Court involving vicarious liability. In addition to the paper, I have a graded oral presentation regarding the contents of the paper. This is the first oral assignment in which we'll be interrupted during our presentation to further discuss the issues at hand. I've had to wear a suit more times this semester than in my entire life prior to law school. My weight has dropped quite a bit...probably due to the stress of law school. I'll have to take my suits in to be tailored soon. They're starting to get a little too loose. Not only is Moot Court a pain in the neck; I have to deal with Mardi Gras. I sit in my "office" researching, writing, etc. and look out of the window to see folks toting coolers (on wheels of course) to the parades. Man, I'm jealous. I wish I could participate in the festivities. I keep telling myself, "One day I may be able to enjoy myself." Until then, I guess it's back to Moot Court.

Learning to comprehend

2008-01-26T15:48:00.000-06:00

Now that you've watched the Paper Chase as demanded, I shall share with you tidbits about this new professor I have. Everyone that enters law school hears some sort of horror story about the mystery of the beast. Well, this may be the semester that I actually experience some of these frightful moments. She's just like the Contracts professor in the Paper Chase. When this woman enters the room, the crowd goes silent...and it has nothing to do with good looks. She starts with a lecture covering the areas of law that we will be discussing. Then she continues with, "Please open your case books to da, da, da, da."

Note: Names are obviously changed for confidentiality reasons. The dialog is not exact, but somewhat on par.

"You! In the green shirt, what's your name?"
The startled student says, "John."
She replies with, "I don't care about your first name. I want to know your last name."
"Ummm, then it would be Doe."
"Well, okay Mr. Doe. What is the rule applied in this case?"
As he thumbs through his notes, he fails to come up with the correct answer. She says, "It looks like Mr. Doe is unprepared. Shall we move onto someone else." She then roamed around the room and called on someone else that successfully answered her question. Once that question was answered, she fired right back at Mr. Doe. Unable to answer the next question, she states, "You expect to be a lawyer, eh? You must understand the law and be able to comprehend these things."

After chastising one student, she moves on to another. When she discovers a weak link, she does everything she can to break it. Once she makes someone feel like an idiot, she scavenges the room in the hunt for another. The whole time in class, everyone just wants to get the hell out of there in fear that they might be next. This is an everyday thing. She does this in every class. I'm sure my turn is coming soon.